But I'm A–!
by stranger12
Summary: The Huntzbergers have a much better reason not to want Logan and Rory together. A series of unrelated one-shots.
1. Kissing Cousins

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about accidental incest content.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 01 – Kissing Cousins**

The grand Gilmore tradition of old of keeping things in the family strikes back.

* * *

Rory nervously looked between the members of the Huntzberger family. Shira, Logan's mother, looked stiff and she seemed stuck in her uncomfortable smile, while Eli, Logan's grandfather, scowled at everything and everyone, even his innocent salad. Logan looked fine with the atmosphere, though Josh and Honor were nearly trembling with anticipation and dread. Rory was glad her family wasn't so formal and cold.

"I can't take this anymore!" – Honor finally snapped – "Okay? Josh and I love each other and we're getting married, whether you like it or not!" – she shrieked a little, and Rory winced. She felt for Honor and Josh, it had been bad enough her family hadn't liked Dean or Jess, but not liking the person she chose to marry? That would suck big time.

"Yes, yes, dear, we did notice the massive ring on your finger, congratulations, dear" – Shira said flightily and Honor started.

"What?"

"Josh is a fine young man, and you have been together for years, it wasn't that much of a shock" – Eli commented, rolling his eyes.

"Oh. Okay. Thanks, I guess" – she looked at Josh, now gaining some color of his cheeks, and smiled happily.

"Rory, on the other hand"

"What?" – the girl questioned, turning to Shira. Logan stiffened beside her.

"What about Rory?" – he asked defensively.

"We're sure she's a lovely girl, Logan, but this is just..." – the woman shook her head with a pained expression.

"How could you do this, Logan!" – Eli bellowed – "There was no other young woman at hand you could've taken to?!"

"Excuse me?"

"She is completely unsuitable for you, son. For our family" – Rory couldn't believe what she was hearing, and clearly, Honor and Josh couldn't either. Logan, though, was not frozen in shock.

"What are you even talking about!" – he exploded – "How is she not suitable?! She's a Gilmore, for God sakes!"

"Exactly!" – Eli cried – "Don't you know anything?"

"Clearly I don't, so enlighten me, mother, grandfather" – Shira made a noise in the back of her throat.

"Rory, I'm sure you're a lovely girl, but I know you wouldn't want to continue this little relationship with Logan anymore than we do"

"... I'm sorry?" – Shira and Eli adopted annoyed expressions.

"I don't know why you are pretending to be ignorant, young lady" – the man tsked – "Surely you understand why you and Logan are not a suitable couple"

"No, I don't"

"Yes, please enlighten us" – Logan demanded, grinding his teeth.

"Logan, son" – Shira started – "She's a Gilmore. Great granddaughter of Lorelai and Charles Gilmore"

"Yes, so?" – Eli shot his grandson an irritated look.

"For God's sake. You forget who my mother was?" – Logan frowned.

"Well, kind of. I never even met the woman"

"Her name was Amelia Gilmore, Lorelai's younger sister" – everyone on the table under forty widened their eyes, and Rory gasped.

"Ew!" – she couldn't help it.

"Are you serious?" – Logan asked, looking disturbed.

"We wouldn't fool around about that, Logan. I'm sorry Rory, but surely now–?"

"Oh God, no" – she moaned and intently looked at her hands – "No extras" – she mumbled. She turned to Logan, who looked at desperate as she felt – "I'm sorry, Logan, but– Well. Ew. Ew, ew. This is worse than finding out my great grandparents were second cousins!"

"Oh yes, there is that" – Eli mused – "Uncle Charles was a great man, you know"

"I'm gonna be sick" – Logan said, putting a hand over his mouth. Honor laughed nervously.

"But they're just distantly related, right?" – she asked, her awkward laughter dying at Logan and Rory's expressions.

"Well..." – Shira started, and Rory and Logan turned to her in dread.

"You do recall that my brother–in–law was Straub Hayden, don't you?"

"Ew!" – she turned to Logan – "Your grandmother was a Hayden?!"

"A Robinson, actually, but she became a Hayden..." – Logan trailed off. Rory shook her head in disbelief.

"Your grandaunt is Francine Hayden?!"

"Yeah...? Do you know her or something?"

"She's my grandmother!" – she yelled, and Logan nearly jumped off.

"Okay, that is way too close for me" – he stated, scooting his chair away from Rory.

"Oh my God! I can't believe this" – Rory started breathing deeply – "Okay, this is not so bad"

"It's not?" – Logan questioned, surprised.

"Of course it is! Are you crazy! Oh, God, I need to leave"

"We rode together"

"Crap"

"Give the girl some money, Logan" – Eli said – "You should make sure your cousin makes it back safe"

"Oh God, we're cousins" – Logan moaned.

"Double cousins" – Rory reminded him – "Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Huntzberger, Mr. Huntzberger. Honor, Josh, congrats and bye"

Rory and Logan rushed out of the room while keeping a healthy distance from one another.

"We're not together anymore, right, just to be clear?" – he asked, patting himself.

"I would very much like to forget we ever– God, ew" – Logan handed her way more money than she would need for the ride back, but neither was going to mention it, especially when Rory hesitated to get that close to him.

Mitchum came striding in just as Rory was grabbing her purse and coat.

"You're Rory, right?"

"Yeah, nice to meet you, sir" – they shook hands gingerly – "I should leave"

"Wait, you're leaving?"

"Definitely. Bye, Logan, Mr. Huntzberger. See you on the next family reunion" – she winced and Logan cringed.

"Bye, Ace, text me when you get back"

"Yeah, sure"

After she was safely in a cab back to Yale, Rory shuddered several times, then called her mother.

"Mommy" – she whined on the phone.

"Hey babe, what's wrong? I thought you were going to dinner at Logan's parents?"

"I was, and oh God, mom, it's horrible"

"What happened, are you okay?"

"Let's just say that next time I see grandma and grandpa, you're gonna have to help me explain to them that dating your cousin is not cool"

"Cousin?" – Lorelai remained completely silent on the other side – "Well, you are my parents' pride and joy, they'll be happy you tried to keep the bloodlines close"

"... I hate you so much right now"

"Love you too, couz"

"Oh my God! I'm hanging up now, bye!"

She shivered so often on the ride that the cab driver asked if she was okay. She mumbled an affirmative and continued shuddering until she got to New Haven.

Needless to say, she stayed far away from Logan and didn't date anyone without finding out as much as possible about their family. Or their family.

Ew.

* * *

Keeping the bloodlines close is one of the funniest things on Gilmore Girls to me.

Not sure about other scenarios, but will take suggestions. =D


	2. The Parent Trap

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about step-incest content.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 02 – The Parent Trap**

Mitchum drops a truth bomb.

* * *

Logan knew his parents didn't love each other. However cruel or ruthless, it was a truth he had known since he was a little boy, looking at their tight faces and golden heads then looking at others grownups and finding that though several acted the same cold way, some were evidently close and loving, and he felt sad that his parents didn't.

When he decided on a whim to take the plunge and become Rory Gilmore's girlfriend, he did it with the certainty that if they ever married, they would not become his parents, he would break up with her long before that, but that was in the possible future, and he would have to concentrate on how his family would treat her (though he supposed his sister's engagement to Josh would be the hot topic of the night at the Huntzbergers).

His mother, Shira, was all horrible fake smiles and candy–like voice while his grandfather was his usual taciturn, near statuesque (and definitely not in the good way) self, both ramrod rigid as they waited for Mitchum to arrive. Josh and Honor kept trading places, and the guy sweated bullets, it was unnerving to just look at him. Ace, thank God for her, was enchanted by everything around her in a way he had never been and it only made him like her more.

"Oh good, your father is here" – Shira sighed and went for her usual vodka on the rocks. Logan rolled his eyes and got up to greet his dad and– Wow, wait, why was he coming in with Ace's mom? What the hell was Ace's mom–?

"Logan" – Mitchum said, slapping the startled young man on the arm – "Honor, Josh. And is this Rory?" – he cast a look over his shoulder at the silent and awkward Lorelai Gilmore.

"Yes, hello, sir" – she frowned at her mother – "Mom?"

"Hey, babe" – the woman said softly, waving. She sent everyone a tight smile and bounced on her feet.

"Er, what are you doing here?" – Ace approached Lorelai and they started talking in rushed tones. Mitchum turned to Shira and narrowed his eyes as the blond woman played with her glass.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to a SPA or something" – he demanded to know. Eli looked from one to the other, and over at Lorelai.

"Well, what did you expect! Honor called and said Logan was coming home, I couldn't just go off like that!" – the woman cried, and got up – "I can't believe you, Mitchum!" – she hissed.

Logan looked at his sister and noticed her wide eyes and the way Josh looked just about ready to pass out, he was so pale. Then he heard Ace gasp, though when he turned to the Gilmore girls, they were huddled closer, holding hands and clearly not in the mood for intruders.

Mitchum and Shira got in each other's faces, and Logan wondered when they'd gone from 'I can't stand to even look at you!' to 'I want to stab your face with a fork!'.

"You dare bring that– That– Her! Here! To my home!" – Shira shrieked and Logan again turned to Lorelai and Rory, who'd stopped talking and were wearing equal expressions of awe as they focused on the fighting couple.

"This is hardly your home! Not anymore!" – Mitchum exclaimed and Honor gasped.

"Oh God" – she whispered – "Are you two–?"

"Yes!" – Shira yelled – "Kids, I'm sorry to tell you, but your father has decided to leave me for another woman. Her!" – she pointed at Lorelai, who sighed.

"Hi there" – she said, sarcasm pouring out of her. Rory looked ready to snicker – "Lorelai Gilmore here. You're Honor, right? Nice to meet you"

"Hi...?"

"I can't believe you, Mitchum!" – Shira screeched.

"Shira, Mitchum" – Eli interrupted from his throne – "Can you do this another time? I'm hungry and I'm going over to the dining table with you or without you, but I would like to eat in peace" – he got up and looked down his nose at everyone – "Shall we, children?" – Logan wasn't sure who he was talking to, but hurried along with Honor and Josh to join him. He looked over at Ace, and she dragged Lorelai with her.

Though Logan had suffered through more than enough awkward, silent meals with his family (most of which he didn't even remember), he thought that was the worst ever, at least considering his parents, 'cause his grandfather was eagerly eating away. Josh had seemingly perked up, as had Honor, and they were quietly eating, their chairs a little closer than they usually would be, heads often close together as they talked, and Logan loved his sister, but it was just too sickeningly sweet.

Ace and Lorelai were sitting just as closely, and Logan was left to sit on his father's right. The man was eating intently, though he did on occasion cast looks at Lorelai, and to Logan's horror, she winked mischievously at him.

"Alright, that's it" – Shira finally said after the main course was done – "Mitchum, I–" – the man stood up suddenly, shutting her up.

"Everyone, I would like to make an announcement" – he looked lovingly at Lorelai and shit, Logan didn't know his father could look like that. Pod people much? – "Shira and I are getting a divorce, and I have asked Lorelai in marriage and she has accepted"

Honor gasped, Eli continued drinking his wine, Rory giggled, Josh did nothing, and Logan groaned.

"Seriously?" – he got up too – "Seriously? My girlfriend's mother?"

"To be fair" – Lorelai piped up – "I've been dating your dad longer than you and Rory have even known each other, so, you know"

"Oh, my God" – Honor said, stifling a laugh – "You're dating our future sister" – she looked down but her shoulders shook as she tried not to laugh out loud.

"Gee, thanks for that, sis" – Logan said sarcastically, then he looked at Rory – "Ace, did you know about this?"

"All I knew was that my mom was dating a guy name Mitch" – she answered plainly – "And I never mentioned your last name to her, so, yeah, we kinda just found out now" – mother and daughter traded looks and started giggling.

"I think everyone would benefit from a little more wine" – Eli announced, and waved a maid over.

"Love the way your mind works" – Lorelai commented, winking at the much older man, making him blush in a way the alcohol he'd consumed thus far hadn't been able to.

"By God! Look at what you bring into this home!" – Shira screamed, getting up – "A gold digger who flirts with your father! Your FATHER! He's ancient!"

"She's seriously calling ME a gold digger?" – Lorelai stage whispered to Rory.

"Excuse me?!"

"I don't want to air your dirty laundry, but you're not helping your case by calling me a gold digger, dear" – Lorelai stood straighter and flipped her hair back and smiled in a superior manner perfected after decades as Richard and Emily Gilmore's only daughter. Shira attempted to return it in kind, however the difference in poise was stark.

"Thank God" – Eli grabbed the wine bottle and poured himself some – "Anyone else want some?"

"God yes" – Honor said, clearly excited about the show. Logan stared at her incredulously. What the hell was going here? And why was his father so quiet? Looking over at him, Jesus, he was looking lovingly at Lorelai and, ew.

"I had sex with the daughter of the woman my dad has had sex with" – he mumbled, but in the silence, it was loud and clear.

"That is a little weird" – Lorelai mused – "I've been with the dad of the guy my kid's banged"

"Mom, don't say 'bang', please" – Rory pleaded.

"Fine. Hey, so, Mitch, are we leaving any time soon?" – she wiggled her eyebrows and Logan considered giving in and throwing up.

Just because he knew his dad screwed around behind his mom's back didn't mean he wanted to know he was screwing his Ace's mom. Just– No, God no.

"You're right, Lo. Everyone, this was very lovely, please excuse us. Shira, be out by tomorrow or I'll have to have the police drag you out"

"You can't do this to me!" – she shrieked, not too firm on her feet, though.

"I can too. We had an ironclad pre–nup, and since you like tennis instructors so much, well, you see where this is going" – the man grabbed Lorelai's hand and they were gone.

Rory started giggling, and Honor followed her. Eli ordered more wine and Shira started crying on the table and demanding Logan throw the 'gold digger's bastard' out of the house. Josh was the only one who kept eating as if nothing was amiss, and Logan–

Well, Logan decided that his dad marrying Ace's mom was a little weird, but for such a prude little thing, Ace was pretty wild in the sack, so hey.

His dad was gonna have to drag them apart to break them up, even if they would eventually (soon?) become brother and sister. Hey, Colin swore stepsisters could be great, and who was he to doubt such an expert on the subject?

* * *

The incest trope strikes back.

Realized a while back that Logan's grandfather is Elijah? Anyway, I'm keeping it Eli, screw it.

I will try to use the suggestions you guys give me, but all in due times (and the incest trope is fun =P)


	3. Skynet is Upon Us

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 03 – Skynet is Upon Us**

Logan has responsibilities and he needs to be reminded of that.

* * *

For as long as Logan could remember, Mitchum and Shira had badgered him about his responsibilities. He had things he had to do, people to see, lives to alter, you know, normal stuff. Neither took into account the fact that he wished to experience life as much as possible before– Well, before. After all, it was getting close, and then he wouldn't have the chance, and that would be just tragic.

So he went to Yale, he slept around (and how wonderful sex was), he consumed dangerous amounts of alcohol (for a human), he tended to the friendships he had (Colin and Finn in particular made life interesting), he went to classes and absorbed all that was taught (not that it was in any way new to him). Life was swell. Wait. Life was awesome.

Then he met Rory Gilmore (Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, daughter of Lorelai Victoria Gilmore and Christopher Hayden, granddaughter of–) and things... Shifted for him. He wanted to be with her like he'd never wanted to be with someone, and he wished they could have a future and a life, even though he knew it wasn't gonna happen, it wouldn't last, but he wanted what he wanted, and wasn't he Logan Huntzberger, rich playboy who could get whatever the hell he wanted, whenever he wanted it? So het got her, and they became girlfriend and boyfriend.

When he told Honor (sweet, innocent, clueless Honor) he was taking Rory to dinner with the family, she was so supportive and happy for her he almost forgot about the rest of the clan. Almost. He couldn't forget it.

"Logan!" – Shira greeted him exuberantly. Honor and Josh were mysteriously nowhere in sight. Eli and Mitchum sat with identical frozen smiles.

"Hi, mom. Dad, grandfather. This is Rory"

"Rory" – Shira said in an even tone – "How lovely to meet you. Sit" – she ordered, and Logan though Rory looked a little startled, but she obeyed.

"Drinks?" – Mitchum said abruptly, already getting up and going for the bar. Rory looked at Logan with wide blue eyes.

"So, where's Honor and Josh? I thought they were joining us" – Logan mused.

"They were not feeling well" – Eli answered, sending Logan a heavy look.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear" – Rory chirped politely.

"She'll live" – Shira said pleasantly, accepting a large glass of alcohol. Mitchum handed Eli, Logan and Rory drinks as well. The latter looked shocked by the size of the glass, and after taking a sip, at the fact it was pure, Logan could tell. She smiled tightly and put it down.

"Shall we get to it, then?" – Mitchum asked, and Logan cooled down.

"Perhaps we should leave"

"No, you will not" – Eli snapped – "How could you bring someone over like this, Logan?"

"It isn't proper, son" – Shira chided.

"You know it is not to be borne" – Mitchum continued. All the while, Rory looked increasingly distressed, however completely silent.

"Don't talk about this like that" – Logan demanded.

"You have responsibilities, Logan, and you cannot throw them away so easily for a– Woman" – Mitchum said.

"I'm tired of doing what I'm supposed to" – the younger Huntzberger said calmly, holding Rory's hand.

"We are all tired, Logan" – Eli said – "But there are things that we have to do, for the future is ours to protect and shape" – he looked pointedly at Logan.

"I'm sure you are a lovely girl, Rory" – Shira started – "but you are unsuitable to be with Logan. You will make any other man you choose very happy, but not Logan"

"C'mon, Ace, we better go now" – Rory looked ever so sad as she looked at the impassive elder Huntzbergers, but followed him nonetheless.

"So, can I ask what that was all about?" – Rory questioned softly as they walked to his car.

"It's– Family things, you know"

"It sounded like they don't me to marry into it"

"It's not that, I promise. It's just, well" – he looked around – "We have secrets in our family, and we can't let people in"

"But your sister is engaged!"

"Yeah, but she's not in the secret" – he sighed – "I'm sorry, Rory, I thought we could have something real, but I forgot I'm not free to make some decisions"

"Of course you are! You're your own person" – he winced some

"Sure, maybe. C'mon, let's go, I'll drop you off"

They spent the ride in complete silence, and parted with mumbled words at her dorm door. Logan stared at it for several moments before whirling around suddenly and coming face to face with Rory's roommate, Paris Geller.

"Hello, Paris" – she gave him a dead stare.

"I've been sent to make sure you remember your duties" – she stated coldly.

"I know what I have to do, and since when are you–?"

"Things changed and I was sent last year to monitor events" – she stepped forward and got extremely close to him – "Don't come near Rory again"

"Is she relevant?"

"She might be of use to us"

"Should I monitor her activities as well?"

"Already on it" – she grabbed his face harshly – "Remember not to engage her again except to break things off"

"Noted" – Logan gritted out and watched her storm into the dorm.

Logan stepped outside into the cool air and removed his coat to feel the wind against his skin.

When he opened his eyes, they were sharp red, and his skin was itching. He needed to power down and do maintenance on his chest, the tear he'd acquired on his last scuffle against an undead still a little open.

As he walked back to his dorm, he wondered if the real Logan Huntzberger would have met Rory and loved her. He would never know, but alas, his kind had not been created to feel such sorrow.

Perhaps after his mission was over, he could try to find Rory again, if she survived D–Day, and offer her a chance to be with him again.

Then again, perhaps it was for the best. Why should such a girl be stuck with a creature such as him?

* * *

Much more ridiculous than the rest (in my opinion, anyway), with clear Terminator inspiration (particularly the TV series, which I liked ever so much and thought ended far too early though I don't a third season would have been satisfying given the constraints of television and their apparent budget), and fuck me, but no incest this time. Also, there's an undercurrent of cyborg!feels, I don't know what to think about that.

anonymouse (anonymous reviewer) gave this idea: Rory can't be with Logan because he's actually a cyborg, which would explain how he survives his lifestyle.

Not quite with the prompt, but hopefully... Yeah. Close enough.


	4. Under the Moonlight

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 04 – Under the Moonlight**

The Huntzbergers and the Haydens have history. They've motherfucking history.

* * *

Mitchum stopped and stared at the phone in his hand.

"Excuse me, Shira, did you just say that Rory Gilmore, Richard and Emily's granddaughter, is dating Logan and she's coming to dinner tonight?"

"That's what I'm saying" – the woman said on the other line – "I always knew those Haydens were up to no good, but I didn't think they would be quite so devious"

"Our information was that they had nothing to do with her life, no? I thought they were focusing on the other girl, Gloria"

"Georgia"

"Regardless. And now the girl just happens to start dating Logan?" – he shook his head.

"Yes, I know. They must have been mighty sneaky about, especially considering what happened to Straub"

"Of course. Well, we will just have to make sure Ms. Gilmore and Logan understand that this union cannot go on"

"Do you think Logan knows what she is?"

"He will soon"

"And if he decides he wants to be the Romeo to her Juliet?" – Mitchum snorted.

"I highly doubt a Hayden is in any way willing to be a Juliet. She would stab her Romeo before their romance even started, that's for sure"

"Yes, you're right. Well, I should go set things up"

"I will see you later, Shira. Make sure Honor is prepared"

"She will be"

Mitchum spent the day slightly on edge, thinking about how the Haydens really were little shits and by God, they were smart fuckers. But they would get his, he would make sure of that. They were not getting away with this, if he had to die to make sure of that.

When he arrived home that night, Shira sighed in relief at the sight of him, Eli nodded at him, and Honor smiled brightly as Josh just looked nervous. By the life of him he couldn't understand how his daughter chose someone like him.

Logan and Rory arrived not soon after, the boy radiating glee, the girl hiding behind a wall of sparkle and innocence, and damn, all the research he'd done on her hadn't prepared him to how well trained she was to be able to hide who, what she really was. Logan clearly had been fooled by her pretty face, and Mitchum couldn't really blame him for his weakness (though he could and would punish him for it).

"Hello, Logan" – Mitchum greeted with the fakest smile he could summon. His son stopped in his tracks, clearly sensing the tenseness in the air.

"Dad" – he looked around and saw that everyone, besides Josh, was solemn. Good, he wasn't that daft – "Is everything okay?"

Honor suddenly jumped at the couple, shoved Logan out of the way and tackled Rory to the floor, holding a knife to her throat.

"What the hell, Honor!" – Logan screamed.

"Honor?!" – Josh cried, completely confused.

"Oh, for God's sake" – Eli mumbled, and swiftly pressed a couple of spots on the young man's neck to render him unconscious.

"I see Huntzbergers aren't slouches after all" – Rory stated calmly, almost irreverently before she easily flipped and had Honor kissing the floor, her knife now on her neck – "Not to say you're that impressive, of course" – she added, sending the family a bright smile with twinkling blue eyes to match, and damn, Mitchum was impressed.

"Ace?" – Logan whispered, stepping back from her.

The girl got up, knife in hand, and stepped away as Honor angrily stood and snarled.

"Stop it, Honor" – Shira chided.

"Well, I am truly pleased to meet you guys" – Rory started, looking so precious and innocent – "Truly. But I could've done without this little reception that was pretty obvious and pathetic" – she flipped her hair back and twirled the knife – "This has a nice balance, though"

"Jesus, Ace" – Logan said, eyes wide and posture finally alert. She turned to him with a soft expression.

"I thought for sure you knew about me when you invited me to the LDB event"

"You invited her to that?" – Shira hissed and Logan looked guilty.

"He did, but it's not like I couldn't go if I really wanted to, let's be totally honest. Now, shall we dine?"

"You have got to be kidding" – Honor said, glaring – "You come into our house, you dare step in here under false pretenses?"

"What false pretenses? It's hardly my fault Logan couldn't bother to research his new girlfriend's background. It wouldn't be difficult at all to know who my dad is"

"Yes, the mighty Christopher Hayden" – Eli said dryly – "Warrior knight of the Haydens, whom we were informed was training his youngest child, not you"

"You really should snap the neck of whomever told you that" – Rory replied, snorting – "They have no idea what they're talking about"

"Clearly" – Mitchum said simply – "But surely you understand that this will not continue"

"And by that you mean? I'm not getting out of here alive?"

"We would never–!" – Shira said, the picture of innocence.

"Oh, spare me. If you think I'm as ill informed as you, you're dead wrong" – she flicked wrist and threw the knife on the wall, just over Eli's shoulder – "Now, I've come to dine with Logan's family, so shall we?"

"Miss Gilmore" – Mitchum said, walking up to her and opening a wide smiles in which all of his extremely sharp teeth were in show – "I'm afraid you are not welcomed in this house. You are a Hayden, we are Huntzbergers" – the girl sighed dramatically and sent the stunned and frozen Logan a coy smile.

"And here I was so looking forward to a Romeo and Juliet romance" – she put a hand over her heart – "But it's okay, I suppose I've teased you guys enough for one night, I'll show myself out. It was lovely to meet you all, I hope to meet you again soon enough" – she showed a dark smile of her own.

Before any of the Huntzbergers could do much, Rory sprinted out the door, and they knew it would be futile to go after her.

"And Josh was worried you guys wouldn't approve of him" – Honor piped up. Logan laughed nervously.

"Now, son, tomorrow is a full moon, and you will have to take your spot in the basement"

"Wait, dad"

"You brought a Hayden into our home!" – Shira screamed – "A Hayden! Of all the bimbos you could have chosen, it had to be her?!" – Logan sniffed and hung his head.

"Sorry, little brother, but I'm in total agreement" – Honor said, pulling a cigarette and lighting it – "Man, she's good"

"Clearly, we need to get better people" – Eli stated coldly – "And the girl's suggestion is not the worst"

"We're seriously gonna chop their heads?" – Logan asked, resigned.

"Son, when they decided to work for us, they committed themselves to be the best, and they missed that the Hayden eldest heir has clearly been trained. They deserve everything that comes to them"

"And you should do it" – Shira said, grabbing her neglected martini and sipping it – "You are the one who brought her here and unfolded their faulty intelligence"

"Too right, Shira" – Mitchum agreed as Eli and Honor nodded along. Logan sighed.

"Fine. But can I at least eat them after?"

* * *

If I'm going for crack, I might as well go down the ridiculousness path, right?

I liked this one better than the cyborg one, if only because it's so much more outrageous and OOC, and I particularly like the last line.


	5. The Sweet Scent

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 05 – The Sweet Scent**

The Huntzbergers have secrets.

* * *

Rory was nervous about meeting Logan's family. They'd just gotten together (though, in honesty, she was a little uncertain about it, as she had meant to end things with him, but hey, why not at least try it?) and she was already meeting his parents. Thankfully, the night would be about his sister and her engagement, so Rory imagined she wouldn't be on the spotlight.

Too wrong.

After Honor came running to get them at the door, Rory took a deep breath and smiled politely at Shira and Eli Huntzberger, Logan's mother and grandfather. The woman had a golden head, a fake smile and a martini glass constantly filled and seemingly glued to her hand, while the man's default expression seemed to be a deep scowl. Logan didn't help by actually awkwardly, and Honor and Josh (who was pale and sweating heavily) sat nervously.

Mitchum Huntzberger, Logan's intimidating father, arrived a little after with a booming voice and a large, slightly suspiciously friendly smile. He introduced himself to Rory with all the politeness expected from a man such as him, but she felt a little disconcerted about the way he deeply inhaled when they shook hands.

At the dinner table, Eli remained deadly silent, Shira drank and ate nothing, and Honor, Josh, Logan and Mitchum ate huge steaks that Rory didn't think had even gotten near a flame, they looked so rare. She smiled tightly when presented with her perfectly medium meat, however.

"So, Rory, I hear you wish to become a journalist" – Mitchum boomed, and the girl glanced at Logan before turning back to the older man.

"Yes, I want to be a foreign correspondent"

"I see. And you wouldn't mind going to the middle of civil wars and the like?"

"Well, I'm sure it would be difficult and even scary, but I'd follow a story no matter where it took me"

"That's a wonderful quality for a journalist" – Mitchum sent Logan a look then Honor – "I think you and Josh should go now"

"What?" – Josh squawked, nearly choking.

"I fear we need to have a discussion with Logan and Rory, and you two aren't needed for that" – Honor hesitated – "Go" – he commanded, and Rory was surprised at how fast the couple ran out of the room. She kinda wished she could do the same.

"Finally" – Eli said, getting up – "Logan, I am very disappointed in you" – the grandson squared his shoulders.

"And why is that, grandfather?"

"You brought some inherently unsuitable person to our house!" – he slammed his hand on the table, and Rory jumped at how the whole table shook.

"Look, I know Rory's not– Like us, but she could be!"

"Son, she just said she'd go anywhere she needs to" – Mitchum said, rolling his eyes – "Including the middle of a desert, isn't that right, Rory?"

"Er, well, yes" – she managed.

"There you go. Unsuitable for our life style, son. I'm sure you can surmise why"

"God, dad, grandfather. She can adjust! She doesn't HAVE to go to the Middle East!"

"But if that's where the story is, she can hardly refuse to go" – Mitchum pointed out.

"Of course she can, especially if she's working for us" – Rory whirled her head to her boyfriend.

"Excuse me? Work FOR you?" – she questioned coldly.

"The Huntzberger Group IS massive" – Logan reasoned – "We own many media outlets, it's not unreasonable to assume–"

"Not unreasonable, but not certain at all!"

"Ace–"

"She has a nice spark" – Eli commented – "It would be a nice addition to the family" – Rory stared at him.

"What?"

"I agree" – Mitchum said, taking a deep breath – "Your scent is lovely, Rory"

By this moment, Rory had to hold herself back from screaming. Ew, her scent? Her spark? Joining the family? C'mon!

"It certainly is" – Shira piped up, still drinking – "I have hardly ever met someone with such an enchanting scent" – she continued, much to Rory's growing discomfort.

What the hell had she waltzed into?!

"So, Rory, I know it's soon, but I need to ask" – Mitchum said, smiling a tad too interestedly – "Would you be willing to never travel to Africa, the Middle East, or anywhere that hot?"

"Er... I don't really–"

"Because your scent is so lovely" – he interrupted.

"Dad" – Logan snapped – "You're freaking her out"

"Oh. Excuse me, Rory, but it really is, it's difficult to resist, but I'll contain myself"

"... Thank you"

"I supposed if she's willing to be safe even if she feels the need to be a journalist" – Eli started – "then she can join us"

"Seconded. We need a little new blood in the family" – Shira said, raising her glass in salute.

Suddenly, Rory wished she had her mother's ability to insult people with a couple of words just so she could make a quick escape and forget the whole night ever happened.

"I have no objections, of course" – Mitchum added, smiling – "What do you think, Rory? Will you join us?"

What. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck.

"I know we'll be great together, Ace" – Logan said, daringly grabbing at her hand, and Jesus, she needed to leave ASAP.

"Er... Look, I'm not sure what you–"

"Logan" – Shira suddenly said, for once putting her glass down – "Have you not spoken to her about– Us?" – her son frowned, still holding Rory's hand tightly.

"She knew about the LDB, I assumed–"

"You assumed?" – Eli asked, incredulous – "Logan, you cannot just assume these things!"

"But she's a Gilmore! And a Hayden"

"She clearly doesn't know!"

"Know what?" – Rory asked, frowning and trying to wrangle her hand free, to no avail.

"She really doesn't know" – Mitchum mused – "Ah, no matter" – he rose – "She's lovely, and we have agreed she's suitable enough, if she's willing to concede to certain points"

"Logan, let go" – Rory hissed, but her boyfriend didn't. He just looked pleadingly at her.

"We'll take good care of you, Rory" – she gasped when his eyes turned red and he plunged his unexpectedly large canines into her neck and she knew no more.

* * *

"Hey babe!" – Lorelai said happily over the phone some time later – "How was dinner?"

"Oh, it was pretty good" – the girl answered, giggling – "I wasn't sure about the Huntzbergers, but they turned out to be really great"

"Really?"

"Yeap. I'll tell you all about it when I come over next. Oh, and how do you feel about a Lost Boys marathon?"

"Great, I guess. Always up for some Cory, but where did this come from?"

"Let's just say that I've recently had an epiphany on the subject"

* * *

Not quite with the same tone of "you guys need to break up noooooooow" but enough there, I think. Just something a little silly still in the supernatural world (next one is completely different from the others so far, and maybe a little more biting too).


	6. Man Eater

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 06 – Man Eater**

Rory's past comes back to bite her in the least expected manner.

* * *

When Rory sat with Logan's family for dinner, she didn't quite expect the dead silence that fell onto the table. Shira ignored everyone, Eli glared at everything and everyone, Honor looked anxious, Josh seemed barely able to keep breathing, and Logan focused on eating. Rory decided to follow his lead despite the fact that the food did not look very appetizing.

"So, Rory" – Shira started, finally breaking the silence and her apparent disregard for the world in general – "Tell us more about yourself. How many boyfriends have you had?"

"What?"

"We just want to know a little more about you, starting with your love life"

"Mom..." – Logan tried.

"Hush, son. Now, Rory?"

"Oh, hum. Well, I had only two boyfriends before Logan"

"I see. Only the two? You are so young and pretty"

"I. Well, yes"

"Hum. And where did you meet them?"

"Back home, in Stars Hollow"

"I see. And how long did you date them?"

"Oh, hum. I dated Dean– For almost two years the first time, and then a few months, and Jess just for a few months too"

"What happened to them?" – Rory cleared her throat.

"Well–"

"Because I heard there was quite a scandalous break with your Dean because you cheated on him with this Jess, who never even graduated from high school, perish the thought, and then he ran away to California. Is that right?" – Shira asked sweetly, and Rory widened her eyes.

"Wait, what? How did you–?"

"And I heard your Dean was married at the time you slept with him, is that right?"

"I– He–"

"Married, and he left his wife for you, and then he dumped you with no warning. Not what I would even dare call a relationship, just a sad little affair"

"Mom" – Logan said, frowning.

"Why, excuse me, Logan, but it's all true, isn't it, Rory?"

"Well, technically yes, but–"

"To cheat on a boy and later make him cheat on his wife" – Shira tsked and looked mournfully at Eli.

"Very upsetting indeed" – the old man agreed – "A woman must act in a proper manner, and cheating on someone is not at all. That and being a mistress, it's most unbecoming, especially for someone who wants to join the family"

"Wait a minute, I don't–"

"You didn't tell me you cheated on Dean" – Logan said quietly, frowning – "Or that he was married when you two got it on"

"I didn't think it mattered!"

"And then you agreed to go out with our Logan casually and gave him an ultimatum!" – Shira exclaimed – "Most improper"

"I didn't give him an ultimatum!"

"Oh please, girl" – Eli snapped – "You are clearly a master manipulator to have reeled in a married man after the way you treated him, of course Logan would be weak to your wiles"

"My wiles!"

"I say 'wiles', of course, because I am hardly as improper and crass as you, girl"

"At least when Mitchum cheats on me" – Shira commented without a hint of embarrassment – "I know it's all in good fun and he'll never leave me, and if he did, it would be for someone of substance"

"Oh my God, I have to go" – Rory moaned.

"No!" – Eli bellowed – "You give my grandson an ultimatum to force his hand and you want to just bail on him? Are you returning to Dean?"

Rory groaned and got up with a start. Honor and Josh seemed absorbed with each other, as her family wasn't grilling them, Logan looked upset (at her!) and Shira and Eli looked pretty peeved. Them, peeved! THEM!

"Look, I did not give Logan an ultimatum, and yes, Dean was married and it was all a mistake, but regardless, this is all a little too much for me, so, Logan? This whole thing was great while it lasted but seriously? Seriously?!" – she screamed at him.

As she marched outside wondering how the hell she would be able to return home, she ran into Mitchum Huntzberger himself.

"Oh, hello. You're– Logan girlfriend?"

"Not anymore. And for the record, you guys can keep your weird ass family all to yourselves, hope Logan can find a nice girl who doesn't mind this whole freak show!" – she exclaimed.

And scene.

* * *

Something short and kinda bitter. Yo whomever likes Rory and thinks she can do no wrong... I'm not too thrilled about her as I rewatch the series again. So I guess this is a reflection of that.

I'd like to take a moment to thank the anonymous reviewers, and point out that I can never answer you directly when you have questions or suggestions, though I do take them in and add them to the list, when it makes enough sense and fits the premise of this whole series.


	7. Prominence

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about mentions of (very) accepted incest content.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 07 – Prominence**

Prominent families and all that jazz.

* * *

The moment Rory stepped into the Huntzberger mansion, she could practically feel the blizzard (and she thought meeting her dad's parents was chilly). Logan's mom Shira and grandfather Eli stared her down like she'd just come from her whore corner, and Honor and Josh looked somewhat terrified. She felt for them, Josh looked like a nice enough guy.

Logan was all charm, as expected, and freshened up everyone's drinks, smiled and made peace with everyone, though it did not look like it was working any. By the time they moved on to dinner, Rory thought Logan could've warned her and let her keep her coat, 'cause, damn.

Everything was lovely with the meal, though no one spoke a damn word as they ate the salad. She wanted to make a little joke about her apple being mad at the kale, but didn't think this was quite the crown for it. Even Logan looked only at his plate, pushing a lone tomato around his plate with all the moodiness of a pouting child and God, why did she agree to this? This was worst than the time when her grandparents were fighting and spent all dinner in complete silence despite Lorelai's attempts at levity, and then they blew up (and who knew a couple such as Richard and Emily Gilmore could be so vicious about a chair? To this day, Rory didn't understand what that was all about, but considering the scathing looks they sent each other the one time it was mentioned in another dinner, she thought she didn't really need to know).

"So!" – Shira suddenly said, smiling so tightly Rory thought her face might crack under the effort of being polite – "Rory Gilmore. Your parents are? Lorelai Gilmore and?"

"Christopher Hayden" – the younger woman managed to say.

"Ah. Christopher Hayden" – Eli and Shira traded looked and Logan shifted in his seat.

"Mom..." – he said warningly.

"Oh, son, please. I just want to get to know your little girlfriend. Now, Gilmores and Haydens. Those are very good families"

"Er... I guess... I don't know my father's family, though"

"Such a shame, it's important to know one's family"

"Mom"

"Hush, Logan" – Eli bellowed.

"Now, Rory, I'm sure you're a lovely girl"

"... Okay?"

"And I'm sure your parents and grandparents have told you that being from such illustrious families, there is a certain standard for partners that should be maintained, although I suppose your parents and your Gilmore grandparents haven't kept that tradition" – she mumbled the last part but in the huge dining room, the echo made it clear to everyone on the table.

"Oh God, mom, not this again" – Honor chided, rolling her eyes and taking some refuge in her drink.

"Yes, Honor, this again" – Shira sent her daughter and her boyfriend a look – "I don't even know why you're so upset about, Josh is perfectly fine for us"

"I am?"

"He is?"

"Of course he is, dear. He falls into our standards, after all"

"I'm sorry" – Rory started slowly, seeing as no one seemed to be on her side (thanks a lot, Logan) – "but I– What standards are we talking about exactly?" – Shira sighed and Eli snorted (pretty rudely, if you asked Rory).

"I suppose you haven't been taught such an important lesson after all" – Shira began – "You see, Rory, it has been a grand custom of prominent families to–"

"Keep the bloodlines close?" – Rory completed, laughing.

"Oh! So you have heard about it"

"My mom... Mentioned it once" – the budding journalist turned to her boyfriend, who looked away – "Tell me they're kidding" – she said, her smile easily gone.

"They are not" – he mumbled back.

"We are certainly not kidding!" – Eli exclaimed – "It has been a Huntzberger tradition of many generations to keep the bloodline as pure as possible. Now, Josh is a little further down the line than would usually be appropriate–"

"Fourth cousin" – Honor added, rolling her eyes again.

"But!" – Eli continued after sending his granddaughter a look – "Logan has a lovely third cousin who is very pretty and smart"

"Despite our family's attempts otherwise" – Logan said under his breath, but, again. Big ass room. Echo.

"So you see, Rory" – Shira turned the conversation back to her – "You are not suitable for our Logan"

"Is this seriously for reals?" – Rory demanded of Logan, angrily throwing her napkin on the table – "Your family tradition is for cousins to marry? Why not siblings already?!"

"Don't the gross, Rory" – Honor said, tsking – "That's far too close, even for us"

"That's–! Oh, God, ew! Okay, we are so done, Logan" – she finally pushed her chair away from the table and gave her now ex a glare – "Don't talk to me ever again"

She walked away from the table and out the door, ignoring the imposing Mitchum Huntzberger. Thankfully, she was able to hail a cab down the street so she could get back to her dorm. Or maybe a bar – probably a bar.

"Mommy" – she called Lorelai.

"Oh, babe, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Do you remember when you told me about Gran and Grandpa Charles?"

"And how we're lucky to have opposable thumbs?"

"That and about what grandma said about prominent families and keeping the bloodlines close?"

"... Yeah?"

"Do you think grandma got that from a pamphlet or something?"

"What? I don't know, but hey, who knows. Maybe. Why do you ask?"

"Seems the custom is still strong in some families"

"... Ew. Ew, ew, ew"

"Yeap"

"And you slept with him! Who knows how their parents are related! Ew!"

"Don't remind me. God, the first thing I'm gonna have to ask all guys I date from now on that are from prominent families is, Do you believe in keeping the bloodlines close?"

"Or just, How're them opposable thumbs, got any?"

* * *

For once, the lack of incest is the issue. =D

If anyone wants more Logan/Rory are related, sorry to say, but it'll take a while there (although there are four straight stories with them being related, so there's that). Oddly enough, considering where I started, this series is less about incest and more ridiculous scenarios.

I am still taking suggestions (some of which I got in PMs and such, and I'm adding them to the list as they come), though I would prefer non-incest related ideas. I think after the mentioned four ideas, the whole thing is kind of saturated (though, who knows, there are paths I didn't go down, so maybe...)


	8. Evidently, There is a Line

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 08 – Evidently, There is a Line**

Rory cut the line, and that ain't cool.

* * *

Shira knew what people thought about her, and she supposed it was all fair. One thing people didn't know, however, was that she was a rule follower, she'd always been, and despite what some people might think, she had followed a certain set of unofficial rules when getting her husband, Mitchum. She was just really cunning in how to get him, unlike all other before and after her.

When Honor informed her that Logan was bringing his girlfriend Rory Gilmore over for dinner, she smiled and nodded and thanked her daughter for the information and quickly went over to check The Hunter List. In her days, they had to suffer through the most ridiculous covert lists, but the internet had come to save everyone.

She happily checked The List, thinking that hey, finally a girl on Logan's List had been as smart as her, had snagged him with her wiles and who knows what else, and now she had someone to talk to about it all! Oh, how she missed her mother–in–law, who had the most salacious tongue whenever she was away from the rest of the family! Now that woman knew how to do things, and Shira learned plenty with her, despite already having Mitchum under her spell.

Her happiness flew out the window however when she saw no 'Gilmore' on the list. Or 'Rory', or anything close to it. The closest she got was 'Lori Greene', but she was from over a year prior, so she couldn't be the one. Had Honor given her the wrong name? But she didn't know about The List, she was sure of it. That girl would've made her discontent known, and then Logan would've known, and Mitchum and Eli, and that– No, that was a secret kept by all women on The Hunter List.

Okay. So, Rory Gilmore wasn't on The List. And that was– The little vixen had stolen someone else's place. She cut in line, she disregarded The List completely! How dare she?! You don't just jump ahead whenever! It just wasn't done! Sure, things had changed since her days, but you didn't just– Waltz into a Huntzberger man's life and trap him without even having the decency of getting into The List. No, no, no.

Rory Gilmore would learn how the world spun, Shira would make damn sure of it.

Shira took several deep breaths before she was calm enough to formulate a plan, something her mother–in–law would approve of, and my God, she loved schemes! To this day, everyone still thought she was the sweetest woman to walk the Earth, and every time Shira heard it, she had to stifle her giggles, because no one knew how the woman was more vicious than all of the Huntzberger men combined. Past and present, mind you.

First, she called a few of her girlfriends with daughters on The List, and who had been on Mitchum's List back in the day, and invited them over for a little gathering at hers. She asked lightly if they'd heard about the little tart, and boy, had they. The more she heard, the more she was determined to crush Rory Gilmore. So, she asked her friends if they would mind helping her taking the little girl down a few (several) pegs down. With malicious smirks that rarely saw the light of day, they quickly agreed.

Secondly, Shira informed Mitchum that they would host Honor a surprise engagement party. The man was shocked to hear their kid was getting married and hadn't told them, but easily agreed in face of his wife's raised eyebrows and was told to be his usual charming self, in particular to Logan's little girlfriend.

Thirdly, and most importantly, Shira made sure that Honor and Logan were completely blind to the party. Her daughter would be so delighted and surprised by it that she wouldn't even think of calling Logan and letting him know about it, not that he'd miss it, of course, but. Better to be safe.

Planning the party was as easy as breathing to Shira, and she delighted in doing it. Every detailed counted, both to please Honor and to snob little Miss Gilmore. God, she respected her grandmother a great deal, she had been next on Richard Gilmore's List after that dull Pennilynn Lott, and she swept in and got him. A little crude, but she was next, and if Pennilynn really wanted Richard Gilmore, she should've held on. What, didn't Shira have to hold on to Mitchum all these years?

Oh, it would be such a night.

Girls from The Hunter List had to stick together, it caused enough in–fighting and cattiness as it was, they couldn't allow some upstart to come around thinking she was better than all them patient ladies and could cut in line whenever and however she pleased, no that was unacceptable.

With a final flick of her blond hair, Shira walked over to Logan and Rory Gilmore with her finest smile.

"Why, hello son! And this is your dear girlfriend, is it? Well, I would love to get to know her! Excuse us!" – she swiftly grabbed the girl's arm and glided away with her, allowing Logan no moment for an interruption.

She would give the girl one chance to explain herself. Perhaps she didn't know about The List! But she would educate her nonetheless. Someone had to.

* * *

A total departure from all the other one-shots. =D

But I liked it, from Shira's POV and totally out of reality, but hey, they do say in the show that there's a line. If there is a line for Logan, then of course there was a line for Mitchum and Eli.


	9. The Return of the Damned

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about step-incest content.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 09 – The Return of the Damned**

Christopher is not good at giving people good news.

* * *

Rory was dutifully, if nervously, drinking some club soda when one Mitchum Huntzberger (and wow, he was even more imposing in real life!) came into the house banging the door on his way in. Rory thought she heard the glass shatter and winced, though everyone else just jumped. Shira in particular, who'd been an obvious mess from the get go, spilled her drink everywhere in her haste to stand up.

"Mitchum" – she squeaked. Man, he looked pissed, and Rory had only ever seen her grandfather get quite that color.

"You thought I wasn't going to find out, huh?!" – he bellowed. Rory noticed Eli discreetly get up and move away from the group, Honor and Josh froze in place and Logan looked as shocked as Rory felt.

"Mitchum, please, this is really not the place to do this" – she tried to reason with him, but the blond man was clearly not having it. Rory hoped she wouldn't have to go downtown soon as a witness to murder or something, and please, she liked her dress, and blood would not be fun to wash off it.

"Actually, this is a very good moment to do this, Shira" – he spat, and turned to Rory, who looked around in confusion then at him with apprehension – "So, miss Gilmore"

"Er... Yes, sir?"

"I hear your father is a certain Christopher Hayden" – Shira gasped loudly and Rory frowned but nodded.

"Yes, that's right" – Mitchum breathed deeply.

"I'm sorry I had to do this tonight of all nights – congratulations, Honor, Josh, by the way –, but I just couldn't hold it back as soon as I found out"

"... Found out what, dad?" – Logan carefully questioned.

"About your mother, of course"

"Er, what, daddy?" – Honor asked quietly.

"She's–"

"Mitchum, please, not here" – Shira begged.

"Oh, to hell with you, Shira! Logan, Honor, your whore of a mother has been cheating on me, and she's pregnant with her lover's baby!"

Honor gasped so hard she dropped her crystal glass in Josh's foot, though he didn't notice it, what with the way his jaw had dropped. Eli just shook his head and kept drinking, and Logan stared from one parent to the next with incredulous eyes. Rory just wished she could slip away, her family drama was enough for her, she definitely didn't need her boyfriend's family's.

"But you're so old!" – Logan finally said, and Rory wondered if it was out of shock or stupidity. Either way, she was reconsidering dating him.

"Thank you, darling" – Shira mumbled, rubbing her stomach. Mitchum followed the movement with a glare.

"We are getting a divorce and you are getting nothing!" – the man screamed at the top of his lungs.

"You can't do that! We have a –"

"You're pregnant with another man's child! That is more than enough for any two bit lawyer to break whatever pre–nup, especially ours, what with that little, tiny fidelity clause!"

"It's not like you've been faithful all these years!" – she shrieked, and boy. Would anyone mind if Rory simply walked away? This was on a whole other– Wait, what?

"... and don't think for a second that your little boy toy Hayden is going to support you!"

"Hayden?" – Rory asked – "Like my dad, Hayden?"

"That's right! Logan, your little girlfriend's father impregnated your mother! You two" – he pointed at the new couple – "are going to have a half sibling"

"Oh God" – Logan mumbled.

"And I had to find out from the man himself! He came into MY office to tell me the happy news! I tell you, he's not the sharpest crayon, is he?"

"Eh" – Rory conceded.

"But he was kind enough to let me know that hey, he's already raising one kid, what would another one be? As long as Shira remained out of his life, that is"

"What?! No, Christopher would never do that, he loves me! He loves me!" – Shira cried and sat back down – "He would never take my kid away from me!"

"He would, and he will as soon as the kid's paternity is confirmed" – Mitchum stated happier than Rory would've imagined a man like him could look.

"No! He can't!" – she desperately turned to Rory – "Don't let him take my child! Honor and Logan already turned out so badly, I need another chance!"

"Gee, thanks, mom" – Honor mumbled, gladly accepting her grandfather's offer of all of the gin in their bar.

"This is my do–over baby! No one will take him away from me! Rory, tell them! Your dad won't take it from me, he won't!"

"To be fair" – the girl started slowly – "he seems pretty happy being Gigi's dad. I'm sure he–"

"Nooo! You little bitch! Take it back!"

"Hey!" – Logan snapped.

"Oh, boo–hoo, Logan, grow a pair already. Also, a brain. Your new sibling will be Rory's brother or sister, and her dad wants to raise it!"

"That is a thought" – Mitchum agreed lightly – "I think it would be somewhat inappropriate for you two to continue seeing each other"

"What?! What do we have to do with mom and Ace's dad– Which, ew, God, mom, having a kid together? It's not like Ace and I will suddenly start sharing blood, we'll just have a sibling–"

"With whom we share blood" – Rory finished – "Look, Logan–"

"Oh, no, c'mon, seriously?"

"Maybe I should leave, you guys are clearly in the middle of something important, and I'm– Okay, honest to God, I don't want to be here right now, this is way more screwed up than anything my family's ever come up with, including the time my mom ordered my grandpa a bunch of male strippers, one of which apparently fell madly in love with his butler"

"Wait, what?" – she waved him away.

"I'll tell you some other time. Anyway. I should go" – she turned to Shira – "Please stop it with the booze, it's not good for the baby, and please don't let dad name it if it's a girl. Or a boy. Actually, don't let him name it at all. Somehow I don't think he'd be good at it, and I don't want a sibling called... Cory or something" – she shuddered – "Okay, now I'm going. Mister Huntzberger, nice to meet you, sorry for the circumstances. Everyone else, lovely to meet you, and bye"

As Rory walked out the Huntzberger home, she heard more shouting. Geez, such a huge house was not good when you wanted to fight, that's for sure. After calling for a cab, she stared at her cell and took the plunge.

"Hi, dad" – she said into his answering machine – "So, I came to have dinner with my boyfriend's family, though it might be ex by this time tomorrow, and guess what! I met Shira! Your new baby momma! Isn't that something? Anyway, I'm happy for you, but I wished you'd told me sooner. I would've avoided coming today to witness someone else's family tearing each other's throats out, though it was kind of funny to see it happen to people other than mom and I. Okay, that was it, call me back, bye"

* * *

This is based on a prompt, and it's the first of three kind of related stories that are not related, but about the same-ish theme.

To anyone waiting for the return to incest, it's gonna take a while still, but it's making a return soon.


	10. Such a Lovely Smile

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 10 – Such a Lovely Smile**

Logan has not so pleasant news.

* * *

Shira didn't know what was wrong with her son, she really didn't. Sure, Logan could be such a difficult boy, so flippant and uncaring and undecided and flighty, but he was her child. It didn't mean she understood him at all times, like was usually the case with Honor, but she could tell when something was bothering him, and something was crawling under his skin, she was sure.

Maybe it was his new girlfriend, sweet, polite and pretty as she was. From a nice family, if not as prominent as the Huntzbergers, attending Yale (with grades Shira could only wish Logan could ever come close to). Rory Gilmore was a lovely girl, and she matched Logan just fine, though she was a career girl, and that would not do for a Huntzberger wife. Oh well, they weren't getting engaged like Honor and Josh (and wasn't that not at all a shock, though it was amusing to see the two fidgeting in anticipation).

Then Logan opened his big mouth and Shira just knew it. Damnit, Logan.

"I have something I need to tell everything" – he said hastily, and turned to a confused Rory with pleading eyes. Man, those eyes. When Logan was a boy, Shira had always melted at the way they bore into her – "I'm so sorry, Ace, but I just found out, you know, the call I got just before we came in?" – the girl frowned and nodded.

"Logan?" – Honor asked, laughing nervously and looking at him pointedly – "What news?" – her voice broke at the end and she tensely glanced at Josh. Her brother took the mother of all deep breaths and faced his family.

"A girl I was kind of seeing is pregnant" – he blurted out.

God. Damnit. Logan.

"Excuse me?" – Rory chocked out, and poor girl, Shira felt for her.

"I'm sorry, Ace, it was before we even got together, she's like four months pregnant, I think that's what she said, and she wasn't even going to tell me, she was going to pass it off like her ex's but that backfired" – he babbled. Oh boy, a babbling Logan was never fun to deal with. That was one of the reasons Shira sent him away to boarding school so young, he always followed her around, babbling away, and it got to her.

"Oh my God" – Rory whispered, looking sick.

"Who even is this girl?" – Eli finally asked, looking like he was gearing up to throw his glass at Logan's head (Shira hoped he didn't, the crystal set was lovely and shockingly complete even after many generations of hot blooded Huntzbergers) (also, Eli had a frighteningly good arm, he'd kill Logan).

"Er, her name's Lindsay..." – the boy trailed off and looked up in remembrance – "Forrester" – Rory gasped.

"No"

"What?"

"Lindsay Forrester? Where is she from?"

"I don't know, I met her in Hartford"

"Is she..." – Rory gulped – "Is she blond, very pretty?"

"Yes... Do you... You know her?" – things just got better and better. Shira drank some more.

"I think so, if it's the same Lindsay I know" – Rory said numbly.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Ace, really"

"Well, when are we to meet the little hussy?" – Eli questioned, holding his glass so tight Shira already thought of her perfect crystal set with one less item.

"What?"

"If she is carrying your child, and of course we'll need a DNA confirmation, dumb boy, then we have to meet her" – he turned to Shira – "And you get to planning their wedding immediately" – Rory gasped and Logan frowned deeply.

"Grandpa, we're not getting married"

"And you're giving me a bastard great–grandchild? You have another thing coming, you stupid child!" – he turned to Rory – "Excuse me, miss Gilmore, but sadly your little relationship with my dumbass grandson cannot be allowed to continue, he is to be a father and thus a husband, come hell or high water"

"... I'm too young to be an aunty" – Honor mumbled, and wow. Shira was way too young to be a grandmother! God damnit, Logan.

"I'm not marrying Lindsay!" – Logan exclaimed.

"YES YOU ARE!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

Great. Huntzberger men going at it. Shira needed to freshen up her drink, she could not cope with this shit sober.

Shira watched as grandfather and grandson yelled at each other, the volume getting higher and higher. Honor and Josh eventually escaped to the bar with her, and she handed them drinks as they watched in morbid interest. Unfortunately, Rory was sitting right in the line of fire and had no way to make a clean escape. Poor girl. She looked terrified (and Shira knew it was never fun to be in between angry Huntzbergers).

"What the hell is going on here?!" – Mitchum bellowed, rushing into the living room. His son and father stopped yelling and turned to him.

"Your moronic son impregnated some girl and is refusing to marry her!" – Eli almost poked Logan's eye out when he thrust a finger in his face. Shira thought her son looked a moment away from slapping the hand away.

"I am not marrying her just because she's pregnant with my baby!"

"God damnit, Logan" – Mitchum groaned, and well. People might not understand what he'd seen in her, but Shira knew.

"What!"

"Your grandfather is right. You get a girl pregnant, you marry her. It's the least you can do to make up for giving her stretch marks" – at least Shira taught him that much.

"Aw, c'mon, dad, no. I don't even like Lindsay that much"

"Okay" – Rory said, getting up and looking furious and annoyed and just done – "Logan, I am going to make things a little easier for you. We're done"

"What? Ace..." – she put a hand up.

"Spare me. Whether you marry Lindsay or not, it's on you, but I don't want to be in the middle of this. Trust me, my mom was in a similar situation years ago and it wasn't pretty, and I'm guessing this is going to be much worse, and I definitely don't want to get into this whole thing with Lindsay of all people"

"What?"

"Yeah, I don't think the details are that necessary considering we're not together anymore, but I'm sure she would be more than happy to tell you all about it. Anyway" – she turned to the rest of the family and smiled politely, and Shira admired the way it seemed sincere even though it was so obviously fake – "It was great to meet you all, I'm sorry we probably will never meet again" – she turned back to Logan – "It was good while it lasted, let's be friends" – her tone was light and boy. Shira was dead wrong, she would've made a great Huntzberger wife.

"Ace, no, please"

"Sorry, Logan, but nope. Now, do you think I can call a cab and wait for it here?" – she asked the room.

"Oh, darling" – Shira started – "We'll get our driver to take you wherever you need to go, don't waste money on a cab"

"Thank you, Mrs. Huntzberger"

"Please, call me Shira" – it was such a shame. Now that Shira could see that Rory wasn't all politeness and sparkle, she thought she would like the girl very much if she came into the family. Oh well. She hoped this Lindsay girl was a little bit like Rory.

"Shira. Of course. Thank you for the hospitality, and I guess I will accept your offer"

"Ace..." – Logan tried again when she made to step around him.

"I'll call the driver for you" – Mitchum stated, giving his son a heavy look.

"Thank you, sir" – Rory slipped past Logan with ease and didn't look back as she followed Mitchum out the house. Everyone remained in tense silence.

"You are such a dumbass, Logan" – Honor said, breaking the quiet and taking a large sip of her vodka on the rocks – "By the way, Josh and I are engaged and don't you dare get married before me" – she threatened her brother, and Shira snorted into her drink when the boy shrunk at her glare.

"I suppose I'll get to planning two weddings, then" – Shira stated with a majestic flip of her perfectly coifed blond locks.

She cackled to herself, wondering how badly Honor would flip her shit if she pushed for a double wedding. It would be the most entertaining thing ever, if nothing else, so Shira made wild plans in her head on how to do it.

Naturally, she would have to make sure Rory came to both celebrations so she could introduce her to some nice young men. Maybe her distant nephew through one of Mitchum's cousins, Tristan, would do nicely for her.

* * *

I've gotten two anonymous reviews about how incest is not funny. No, real life incest that result in children, and forced incest are not fun. None of my stories involve those kind of incest.

That said, the previous story and the next one do not involve incest. If you're seeing incest between Rory and Logan because of Christopher and Shira, please don't call incest. It's not, in the previous one Logan says states it clearly. Step siblings are not incestuous (at least in this case, seeing as they are grown and weren't raised as siblings).

So. I'm gonna be curt on this. Fuck off.

This all aside, I wanna take a moment to thank everyone who's written reviews, whether logged in or anonymously, and everyone who have favorited and followed this.


	11. Lorelai Gilmore III, This is Your Life

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about step-incest content.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 11 – Lorelai Gilmore III, This is Your Life**

Like father, like boyfriend in the giving news department.

* * *

Some things were universal.

The sky was blue, Kirk was slightly crazy, Luke Danes was crabby and nothing good ever came from her father appearing before her with a pained smile. Rory should've known better than to think that going to dine with Logan's family would be some quiet, tranquil affair. Her father there was a shock, but the way he smiled made her skin crawl. Jesus, what now.

"Christopher" – Shira, Logan's mother, said breathlessly as soon as she spotted the man. She got up and looked pretty dazed and out of it. Rory was kind of entranced.

"Hey, Shira. Rory, this is a surprise" – he said to his daughter.

"... Yes. What ah, what are you doing here?" – God, her mother wasn't coming to dinner too, was she? That would be way too much.

"Oh, hum, I needed to ah, talk to Shira, actually" – he gave the woman a pointed look – "You've been dodging my calls, and we need to talk"

... Where had Rory heard Christopher say that before? Or something very similar to that? She knew she remembered him– Oh crap. Oh no, no, no. No. Nope. She looked between him and Shira, who looked really uncomfortable.

"Christopher, really, this is not the place for this, please, my family–" – crap. It was. Crap.

"We need to talk" – he paused and looked around and sighed – "I'm sorry, everyone. I'm Christopher Hayden, hello" – he waved awkward as only he could manage – "And I need to borrow your mom for a little while, but she'll be right back" – he motioned for the blonde to follow him, and after a moment of hesitation, she followed suit without a word. They disappeared around a corner.

"Hey, how do you know him?" – Logan questioned quietly.

"... He's my dad" – Eli whirled his head to her.

"That man's your father?!" – he asked, sounding way too angry for Rory's comfort.

"Er, yes, he is"

"This is bad, this is bad" – Eli kept mumbling as he kept his scotch pretty close to his mouth. Honor looked at him with a freaked out expression, while Logan just frowned at him, apparently disturbed by his behavior.

Meanwhile, Rory could hear her dad and Shira having an apparently heated conversation in their little alcove. Last time she saw him going into someone's home and dragging a woman away from her family for a 'discussion'... Yeah. She did not want to even go there.

"What the hell are you even doing here?!" – everyone heard a man yell, and when Rory turned, she saw none other than Mitchum Huntzberger standing around with– Holy crap, Lindsay! That was Lindsay right there! Dean's Lindsay! Why– How– Wait, what?!

"Mitchum, please lower your voice" – Shira asked.

"I will do no such thing! What is this asshole doing here?! How dare you allow him into this house, Shira?!"

"Hey, don't talk to her like that" – Christopher defended the woman and boy, Rory did not want to see her dad getting his ass handed to him. Mitchum was not a small shrimp, he'd thump Christopher to the ground.

"She is my wife and thus I will speak to her in any manner I find appropriate, Hayden" – Mitchum spat angrily. He suddenly looked around and noticed the curious and even shocked audience and cleared his throat – "Good evening" – he said evenly.

"Dad?" – Honor asked slowly.

"Yes, hello, dear. Your mother and her friend and I need to have a little talk. Logan, I found this young lady outside, she asked to speak to you" – Logan cleared his throat, clearly nervous, and stood up after giving Rory an apologetic look.

"I'm so sorry about this, Ace" – he said gently, before walking up to Lindsay, who looked tired and upset.

As soon as Logan got near enough, she slapped him silly. ... Okay, a little more than just 'upset', then. He stood there looking stunned.

"You piece of shit!" – she hissed – "I can't believe you would–" – she looked straight at Rory and widened her eyes – "You have got to be kidding me!" – she cried out at the ceiling.

"Linds, can we go somewhere else to talk about this, please?"

"No, Logan!" – she slapped his hand off her arm – "We are going to have this discussion right here, right now" – even Mitchum, Shira and Christopher were dead silent staring at the young couple.

Rory loved movies, seriously, she did, but this was so insane! What was even going on?!

"Lindsay, please..." – Logan pleaded.

"God, I don't know why I even bothered! You clearly aren't interested in what's going right now, even if it has everything to do with you, you prick!"

"Wait, no, don't leave, let's talk about this, just not–"

"We either talk about this right here, right now, or next time we talk, we'll be in a court of law"

"Court of law?" – Mitchum questioned – "What is she talking about, Logan?" – his tone was not amused.

"Dad–"

"Yes, because as soon as my baby is out and I confirm paternity, I will sue your precious son for child support" – Lindsay said, and Rory blinked.

Baby...? Baby? Child– Child support?

"Oh God" – Shira whispered, looking about to faint.

"Are you okay?" – Christopher asked worriedly.

"Get your hands off my wife"

"She won't be much longer"

"Let's see you try to tear her from me"

"I don't think it's going to be too hard to do. Shira, tell him"

"Tell me what?" – everyone looked at Shira, who went red and touched. Her. Stomach.

Oh, c'mon. No, this was not happening.

"Shira?!" – Mitchum exclaimed.

"I'm pregnant. It– It's probably Christopher's"

"Holy–" – Honor stopped herself mid–way – "Wait, so mom, you're– Which, ew, and you– What's your name?"

"Lindsay" – the younger blonde replied quietly.

"Okay, so you're pregnant too? With– Logan's kid?"

"Yes"

"... So I'm going to be a big sister again AND an aunt in a few months? This sucks, seriously"

"And she's getting a divorce" – Christopher announced forcefully.

"You don't know that it's really yours" – Mitchum furiously said.

"Oh, please, like you two ever even screw" – husband and wife traded looks – "What? Shira, you told me–"

"I... Might have exaggerated a little"

"We have a perfectly healthy sex life, thank you"

"... Wait, so it really could be his?" – Christopher pointed at Shira's stomach.

"Yes, I suppose"

"This just gets better and better" – Eli mumbled – "A possible fruit of infidelity and a bastard great grandchild" – he mockingly raised his glass – "To you, young Huntzbergers, screwing up" – he gave everyone the fakest grin had ever seen in her life, and downed his drink – "Well, I'm starving, so you people can stay here and discuss your affairs, but I am going to eat now. Honor, Josh? Not much to do with you, will you come along?"

"Oh, yes, I guess, grandpa" – Honor said, getting up – "Rory, are you hungry?"

"Wait, Ace" – Logan, who'd been mostly stunned and frozen, said pleadingly.

"You're not serious, Logan" – Eli interrupted anything Rory couldn't said – "The girl's father is your mother's lover and possible father of her unborn child as well, I mean really"

"And she did have sex with my ex husband while we were still together" – Lindsay piped up.

Okay, now every eye was on Rory. Great.

"Seriously?" – Logan asked, stunned.

"I don't want to talk about this" – Rory said quietly.

"Okay, and now the girl is... God, this is confusing. Logan's baby's mother's ex's lover. Is that right?" – Eli sarcastically asked Honor and Josh, who nodded vaguely – "Well, no matter. Come along too, girl, you should eat something. Let's leave them to their little chat, I'm sure it'll be a long one"

"Grandpa" – Logan snapped.

"What, are you really continuing your little relationship with her? It's most inappropriate, Logan, really, even for you"

"Oh, trust me, this is so over" – Rory said, getting up too – "You know what, Logan? We're done. Honestly, this whole family drama is a little much, even for me" – she turned to her father – "Dad, seriously?"

"Kiddo..."

"Just... If this kid's yours, please don't give it another ridiculous name. Gigi was bad enough" – she whirled around and smiled pleasantly at Eli – "Thank you, mister Huntzberger, I think I'll accept your kind offer and have dinner before I leave" – the old man snorted and nodded in what Rory interpreted as respect.

"Very well, girl. We have some lovely lamb tonight, from what I understand"

"I love lamb"

As Rory walked away to dine with Eli, Honor and Josh, she heard Lindsay screaming her head off at a defensive Logan, and Christopher and Mitchum yelling increasingly louder at one another about Shira, the baby, cheating, sex and– Yeah, she stopped listening as focused on how lovely the house interior was.

The lamb was pretty good, and Rory enjoyed talking to Honor, who was so dryly hilarious, Josh, who was shy but cutely witty, and Eli, who was deadpan, polite and very attentive to her, mentioning how he had been close friends with her great grandparents, in particular Charles.

While they waited for dessert, and man, the dinner was amazing, seriously, Lindsay sat down beside Rory and tiredly sat. She looked around sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, but I'm starving" – Eli tsked but ordered a maid to grab her something to eat.

"How far along are you?" – Honor asked after a few awkward silent beats.

"Seven weeks"

"Congratulations" – Rory said sincerely, and Lindsay looked at her and smiled a little.

"Thank you, Rory. And really, thank you"

"For what?"

"If you hadn't come along and screwed Dean, I might've been pregnant with HIS kid, can you imagine? I'd rather have Logan's kid, at least he's not as big an asshole as Dean was"

"Well, can't argue you with you there" – they grinned at each other – "Sorry for sleeping with him anyway"

"You're forgiven"

"And you're welcome"

"How was the lamb?"

"Incredible"

Rory could faintly heard screaming and stuff breaking back in the living room, but hey. She was sitting with her recent ex's sister, almost brother–in–law, grandfather and baby momma and had a large piece of decadent chocolate pie in front of her.

Life could be worse. And hey, life was never terrible when you had such amazing dessert in front of you.

At least her mom would get a kick out of the entire thing, and Rory was already thinking of writing a short story or even a short play on it. Maybe she'd even do an entire series, because she had no doubt that Christopher/Shira/Mitchum and Logan/Lindsay would give any two bit writer plenty of space to go absolutely insane.

She'd talk to Eli, Honor and Lindsay later. She was sure they would help her in her endeavor.

Ah. A second piece of pie.

Life was good.

* * *

'Cause hey, what's more fun than Rory being ambushed by her dad AND new boyfriend?


	12. Family Ties

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about accidental incest.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 12 – Family Ties**

Once upon a time...

* * *

... There was a beautiful, poised but bored young woman called Francine. She was married to Straub Hayden, a man with a budding reputation as a fierce and ruthless international law expert, and he was– He was everything a woman of their circles should desire in a man, but she didn't quite like him that much. Her family had approved of him, and he wasn't a bad man, maybe a little rude, but hey, that wasn't so bad. Now, if only he could be as passionate about sex as he was about law...

Such was the woman that a dashing Eli Huntzberger met one fine night. They had met before, of course, they belonged to the same circles after all, but she was several years younger than he was, and by the time she looked good enough for a few tumbles, he was married and she was off to college. Such a shame, whenever she smiled honestly, he thought she looked stunning.

This time they met was the decisive one in their lives, however. She was so tired of being Mrs. Hayden, and he had little to no interest in his wife, or his usual mistresses. It was a lovely gala, and their spouses were off in their own little worlds, and they met in the balcony.

All was innocent at first, it was the first time they truly spoke, after all, but Eli couldn't help but compliment her, and she delighted in his flattery, all too used to Straub's lack of interest. Soon enough, she touched his hand and they made hasty plans to meet in a week in a yet to be established location.

That was how they started the most torrid affair in either of their lives, though it did not last long. Eli had responsibilities to his family, and had to go away for several months, and Francine soon discovered she was carrying a child. As she continued to have intercourse with a dutiful Straub, she had no idea whose it was, but– Eli was married, he was a child and a life, and she was just another of his conquests, so when she saw him again, already heavily pregnant, she stole a moment with him in another balcony and told him goodbye.

There was never anymore talk of 'them'.

Then came Christopher, and what a darling boy he was. Sweet and gentle, if a little too clung to her skirts all his life, and Straub seemed fond of him, so all was good.

Flashforward thirty something years when a widowed Francine received the most distressing news.

Her granddaughter Rory, a blight in the family tree, was dating young Logan Huntzberger, Eli's grandson. That– That was not to be borne! It would not do at all!

Sure, she had never DNA tested Christopher, if it got out that she was doing it, it would be– It would cause too much of a scandal, and the whole Lorelai Gilmore/Christopher debacle was hard enough to get rid of, if anyone discovered she had– That her son wasn't Straub's– Dear oh dear, everything would be ruined!

... But. She could not possibly allow Rory and Logan to continue with their relationship. Whether they married or not, it was extremely likely that they were having pre–marital relations! She was Lorelai's daughter after all, it was completely reasonable, and she knew Mitchum and Eli's reputation, Logan couldn't be such a lamb. No, no. They were having sex, and she might be– Oh Lord, no.

With quick fingers, she called Eli for the first time in nearly forty years and advised him to sit down, then told him of the possibilities that Christopher was in fact his. The old man was dead silent on the other line, and when she continued on and talked about his grandson and her (their) granddaughter dating, he finally snapped out of it, bellowing how it couldn't continue, there was no way he would allow them to keep at it!

He screamed at her to come to dinner as a special guest, and he barely told her when and where before he hung up on her. The nerve! But, she had always liked that about him. Passionate. Hum.

Francine arrived at the Huntzberger mansion early, and was delighted to see Eli hadn't changed much in spirit over the years. His daughter–in–law Shira seemed vapid and dull, so Francine politely ignored her and turned to her daughter Honor, who was obviously nervous beside her boyfriend Josh. Not nervous because of her, no, maybe she had news for her family that she feared would be ill received? She was drinking, so not a kid. The girl kept looking at her hand and– Oh. They were secretly engaged, how sweet.

Finally, the moment of truth. Logan and Rory came into the room after a harried Honor. Francine's granddaughter looked stunned to see her there, but politely greeted her as she was introduced to everyone in the room.

Looking between Rory and Logan, the similarities were– Disturbing. The eyes were somewhat similar, though he was very blond and she very brunette, she was pale and he was healthily tanned. He smirked and she smiled, he was smooth and charming and she was awkward and try–hard at best. No, maybe– Maybe she was wrong, maybe Christopher was Straub's and she was wasting her time.

But then– Then she looked at Eli, and he was staring at the girl like she was a ghost, and by God, what could he possibly be seeing?

When dinner was announced, Francine and Eli walked ahead as quickly as they could, and just as he pulled the chair out for her, he leaned into her ear and said very quietly: 'she looks exactly like my mother'. And that answered that.

Damnit.

"Before anything else" – Eli said, getting up and startling the rest of his family – "I would like to toast Mrs. Hayden for her delightful company this evening. We are old friends, you see" – Logan scrunched his nose up, as if instantly sensing what kind of 'friends' they were.

"Yes, we have known each other for a long time" – Francine agreed, staring straight at her granddaughter – "Even before my son Christopher was born"

"That's right, we were friends not too long before he was born"

Shira stared from one to the other, Honor raised a curious eyebrow, Josh looked lost, Logan looked a little pale and Rory simply frowned.

"When you say... 'Not too long'...?" – Logan started cautiously.

"Not too long, Logan" – Eli repeated with a huff.

"You know!" – Francine interrupted whatever Logan was going to say next – "You should meet my granddaughter Georgia, she is such a lovely girl. Blond, blue eyes. I don't know where she gets it"

"Sherri is blond" – Rory said quietly.

"Ah, yes, her mother is blond too, of course" – Logan stared at Eli and Francine.

"Hang on. Ace, your dad's a brunet, right? I saw his picture before"

"Yes, he is" – she answered confusedly.

"And Straub Hayden was a brunet too, right?"

"Yes...?" – Logan looked back at his grandfather, who just shrugged.

"Oh, c'mon. No, it can't be"

"Logan, son, what are you talking about?" – he ignored her, as usual.

"Seriously? And now is the time you chose to talk about this?"

"I am hardly saying much of anything, Logan. Just that Francine and I were dear friends many years ago, before her son was even born, and that her son's second daughter is a blue eyed blond, like her own mother"

"And Ace has blue eyes too"

"... Like my mom" – Rory mumbled, glancing at Francine as if putting an ugly little puzzle together. Suddenly, she widened her eyes and snapped her head to Eli and at Logan, who was as pale as her.

"Wow, look at the time!" – Logan said loudly, staring at his empty wrist – "We should get going, right Ace?!" – they were on their feet in a flash – "Mom, Honor, Josh, great to see you guys" – he refused to look sideways to Eli and Francine – "It was lovely to see you again, Mrs. Hayden, bye everyone" – he said hastily and ran off the door with Rory, who mumbled a few words of thanks and goodbyes.

"Why, I never–!" – Shira exclaimed – "Why on Earth are they running off like that?" – Honor shook her head in disbelief and threw back her drink. She turned to her fiancée with a contorted expression.

"Your grandma wasn't 'friends' with my grandfather back in the day, right?" – she whispered, and Shira was too busy telling the maids to remove Logan and Rory's plates to notice, but Eli and Francine sure did. They traded looked and clinked glasses.

With their spouses long gone (well, not that long for Straub, but anyway), Francine and Eli decided they should give being friends another try. It had been such a long time since Francine had such a nice friend, after all. She could use a nice friend, a really nice friend.

* * *

... So yeah, I went there.

After this, there is a little trilogy of increasingly disturbing (accidental) incest and then I'm done with the whole subject, or at least I have nothing else to write about it, I think I'll have milked the last drop, unless someone has any more suggestions, I'll be a-o-done with it, to some people's glee. ;)


	13. Let It Rain

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: Incest Alert. For reals. . .

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 13 – Let It Rain**

Lorelai has a little secret she never told anyone.

* * *

Rory was totally confused.

The moment she stepped into the Huntzberger's home, Logan's dad Mitchum was on her, asking her about her life, her family, her mom, it was pretty intrusive, and she was used to Stars Hollow's brand of friendly intrusiveness, but coming from a complete stranger that happened to her new boyfriend's intimidating boyfriend, it only made her a little scared.

And he kept asking about her mom, over and over.

'Jesus, man, back off, you've got a wife' – Rory thought, keeping up her politest smile in place, though glancing around the room, it was clear his behavior was far from normal and it was freaking everyone out, most of all Shira, his damn wife! Though Logan looked ready to pounce on his dad. Yeah, she was on his side, Mitchum needed to can it, fast, it was getting creepy.

Even as they walked to the dining room, Mitchum stuck to Rory's side and made her sit on his left, and didn't let her talk to anyone else, continuing to pepper her with question after question on what her mother was up to and, God, did he have to hold her hand that tight?

"I met your mother a long time ago, you know" – he suddenly said, just before dessert (and Rory wasn't sure how she survived so long).

"Really? She, hum, never mentioned it"

"Yes, I don't suppose she would have, no. Such a shame, she was a lively one" – he laughed all alone in the deadly silent room and didn't look like he cared at all.

"Yeap, that's– That's mom. Lively" – she looked sideways to Logan and sent him her best deadly stare, and though they had been together for all of a day, he was a smart boy.

"So dad! How's business?" – he tried to deflect the conversation, but Mitchum waved him off.

"Hush, Logan. Now, Rory, I understand you and my son have been together for a short time, is that so?"

"I– Yes, it hasn't been long at all"

"Right. Right! Ah, to be young. Yes, to be young" – he looked between the new couple and sighed – "It's unfortunate, but I'm afraid, Rory, that while you're a lovely girl, you two can't be together"

"What?" – Logan exclaimed – "What the hell, dad!"

"Logan" – Mitchum snapped – "Now, Rory, I know it's a shock to you, but you two? No good"

"I'm sorry, sir–"

"Please, call me 'Mitchum'"

"Er, okay. Mitchum. Look, I like your son, a lot, he's great, and we're just getting to know each other–"

"And that's what can't happen! Oh God, you two haven't slept together yet, have you?" – Rory blushed bright red and Logan shifted in his seat.

"Jesus, dad" – Honor mumbled.

"Oh, God, you have. Oh God, this is bad, this is so bad. So bad" – he got up and got his cell out – "Hey, it's me. No, I know, but– It happened. IT happened. Yes, I know. I know. I will tell them, goodbye" – he shut it and sat back down, facing a bunch of wide eyes.

"Tell us what?" – Logan questioned, looking pretty annoyed. Mitchum took a deep breath and Rory had the inkling she was going to hate whatever came out.

"Well, Logan, as you may or may not know, after Honor, your mother and I had problems conceiving" – Shira bowed her head into her drink – "There was nothing wrong with either of us, but alas, no other child came for years, that's why you're so far apart"

"... Okay?"

"During this time, we were very stressed and angry at each other and we took some time off. That's when I met Lorelai" – he looked at Rory, who gulped.

"Aw, crap" – she moaned then frowned – "Wait. But mom– And you're– You're way older than my mom"

"About ten years or so, yes"

"Ew, dad" – Honor scrunched her nose.

"Everyone, settle down. As I was saying, I met Lorelai, who was breathtaking, if a teenager. We had a brief... Friendship, if you will" – Shira snorted and ordered more wine – "and didn't talk again until a few months later, when she called to tell me she was pregnant"

"With me?!" – Rory cried in disgust.

"No, no, not with you" – the girl sighed in relief – "She was pregnant with Logan"

"WHAT?!" – Logan and Honor exclaimed at once. Rory started feeling sick.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Logan, but. Lorelai Gilmore is your birth mother, not Shira" – Logan whirled his head to the blond woman, who shrugged.

"Is that why you never liked me?" – he asked brokenly.

"That and you're pretty bratty" – she answered honestly. Josh started coughing, though Rory suspected a covered laugh.

"Well, anyway. Lorelai and I came to an agreement. She somehow managed to hide her pregnancy from her parents, and spent the Summer at one of the family's homes, when she gave birth to Logan"

"Okay, I'm gonna be sick now" – Rory said in all seriousness. Mitchum looked at her as if WORRIED but forged on.

"After she gave birth, she accepted that I was an older man, I was married and already had a child, so I would be suitable to raise Logan with Shira. She asked to know nothing about what happened to him so she didn't have to wonder 'what if', and that's it. In the following year I understand she got pregnant with you, Rory, and, ah, yeah, that's it. So, you can't be together, you're brother and sister. Ooh, chocolate soufflé, I like chocolate soufflé"

Rory stared at him, as did everyone else on the table save a drinking Shira and a slumbering Eli.

And then she ran from the table and threw up in the nearest corner. When she came back a couple of minutes later, Logan was gone and she could hear retching sounds. Honor looked pretty green, though Josh looked amused but trying to hide it. Mitchum was more interested in his dessert.

"Let me get this straight" – Rory started – "You and mom had an affair and you had Logan"

"Right"

"And she's the one you talked to just now on the phone, isn't it?"

"Yeah"

"Why didn't she tell me this herself?! And she's met Logan!"

"Did she?"

"At my grandparents vow renewal"

"Ah, yeah, there was that"

"Well?!" – Mitchum shrugged.

"Honestly, she was true to word, she wanted to forget she ever had Logan, it was too painful for her, though– Hey son"

"Hey dad" – the younger Huntzberger looked horribly sick as he sat back down.

"So, Lorelai. She said since you're all grown up now, and if you want to, she would like to get to know you" – Logan gave his father the stink eye, and Rory thought he looked drunk.

'Oh, maybe he is, he did take a while getting back from vomiting'

"After I've nailed my sister?"

"That's unfortunate, but yes"

"... I'll think about it" – he mumbled, looking at Shira, who wouldn't stop drinking and hiccupping.

"Great! After we are over this whole unfortunate business, I'm sure we can all we a happy family! Say, Rory, is Lorelai dating anyone?"

After dinner, Rory was going to scrub ever inch of her body until it was raw and drive to Stars Hollow to yell her mother into the floor, but for the moment she settled for eating her soufflé.

"So, are you going to be my new daddy?" – she asked, batting her eyelashes expertly at an amused Mitchum – "Will you buy me a pony?"

* * *

I can't recall which reviewer gave me this idea, it was a long time ago, but I expanded the idea into a trilogy. The Trilogy of Incest. I do promise though that after these end, I'm all out of incest ideas. For now. I've nothing planned out, anyway.


	14. It Will Pour

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: Incest Alert. For reals. . .

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 14 – It Will Pour**

Lorelai has a little secret she never told anyone, most of all Rory.

* * *

Rory was wary. Not because she was meeting her brand new boyfriend's family (well, maybe that a little too), but mainly because her mother had acted really, really, really weird ever since she told her about her and Logan getting serious. She thought the Dean debacle was bad? At least then Lorelai had had reasons to act weird, but this time? She didn't even know Logan!

Lorelai, however, had said nothing, she just did a thing with her face that Rory had never seen and didn't quite know what it could mean. Disapproval that she'd chosen a society boy? Or that they started out casual? But she knew what Disappointed Lorelai looked like, she'd seen it enough with Jess and Dean (part 3), so– What? It was bizarre and put her even more on edge about meeting the Huntzbergers, though Logan reassured her the spotlight would be on Honor so they'd be in the clear for the moment.

As soon as they entered the house, however, Rory felt something in the air, and in between checking out the impressive interior and artwork, she tried to keep her stomach settled, though it was very difficult. There was something amiss, and– Somehow, she thought it had something to do with her mother, but what could it possibly be?

"Is that your mom?" – Logan whispered to her as they walked into the living room and, sure enough, Lorelai was there in all her glory. Her face was the same one she wore when Rory told her about Logan, and– Man, everyone was wearing the same face!

"So this is Rory" – Mitchum Huntzberger (and wow, he was a big guy! Or maybe it was his reputation that made him feel so big?) said, opening a smile. Lorelai grimaced, as did the other woman, maybe Logan's mom Shira? And Honor– Was not in the room. Huh.

"This is Rory" – Lorelai said softly, staring at her daughter with sad eyes (and wow, Rory did not like her mom's sad eyes, it was like looking into the eyes of a kicked puppy!).

"She's beautiful, Lor, though she doesn't look much like you when you were younger"

"Yeah, I guess"

"Her hair's much lighter" – Logan shifted beside her.

"Dad?"

"Oh, sorry there, Logan, how are you?"

"... Good"

"Good, good, sit down you two" – they did warily. Lorelai looked between them with something akin to sorrow. Jesus, Lorelai Gilmore didn't DO sorrow! What was going on?!

"What's, ah, what's going on, dad? Mom?" – Shira snorted into her martini and kept quiet.

"Do you want to take this one, Lor, or should I?" – Lorelai shrugged and sighed.

"I think we should both do it" – she said in an unhappy and resigned tone. Rory was getting pretty bad vibes. Bad, bad, danger Will Robinson bad vibes.

"You see, after Logan was born, Shira and I went through a pretty bad patch and we separated for a while"

"Wow, seriously?" – Logan exclaimed.

"Yes. And during this time, I met Lorelai" – Mitchum turned to her with a very disturbing smile, Rory thought. She'd seen plenty of pictures of him, and he never smiled quite like that. Ew.

Oh God. Ew.

"We fell in love and we had a little... Tryst"

"That's putting it mildly" – Shira mumbled into her drink. Logan looked from her to his dad.

"Dad...? What are you saying exactly?"

"This happened when Lorelai was fifteen–ish"

"Oh God" – Rory said softly.

"I'm sorry!" – Lorelai suddenly burst out saying – "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, babe, I never meant to hide this from you! I never meant to do it, but I–! I wanted to protect Mitchum, and you! It was bad enough that I was a teen mom, but for the baby's daddy to be a married twenty something year old? Your grandfather would've flipped his shit so bad, you have no idea"

"I can imagine" – Rory said numbly. Logan was completely still beside her.

"Are you...? Just to confirm" – he started, his voice cracking in near hysterical laughter – "Are you saying what I think you're saying? Because I hope I misunderstood every word you just said because the alternative is just..."

"Rory is your sister" – Mitchum said, nodding.

"Half–sister" – Shira piped up, but she looked away at Mitchum's glare.

"Oh God" – Logan and Rory said in unison, and after staring at one another, they jumped away in opposite directions.

"They're cute together" – Mitchum commented out loud, and thanks a lot. That made Rory and Logan ditch the little party into dark corners for some much needed vomiting sessions.

"Okay, I need a drink. Or two or ten or twenty" – Lorelai stated.

"I'll get it. Martini, Lor?"

"Anything will do, seriously"

A few minutes later, the extremely pale and wobbly half siblings returned to the group, neither able to sit too close or even look at one another.

"So... What about Christopher?" – Rory managed to ask Lorelai.

"Oh. Well, he was kind of my boyfriend at the time, and I told him all about it, and trust me, he was totally on board with the whole thing, he wanted to escape his parents just as much as I did, and being a teen baby daddy was a good excuse as any!" – the woman laughed nervously.

"Then why did he even try to, you know, daddy me?"

"Well, he does love you, babe, and I think you are his daughter where it counts"

"Except in blood! Boom!" – Shira yelled and threw her head back, laughing maniacally.

"I think you need to cut 'er off, dad" – Logan mumbled, clutching his stomach.

"Excellent idea" – he called forth a nearby butler and had Shira removed (though she yelled the entire way out).

"So" – Lorelai said, drumming her fingers against her martini glass – "Dinner?"

"I'm game. Kids?" – Logan and Rory looked incredulously at the pair.

"What the fuck, dad?! You just drop this on us and we're supposed to go eat?!"

"I could eat" – Rory said simply. Her boyfriend– Ex– Bro– Nope. Not going there. HE turned to her.

"You could eat?!"

"I'm starving! I just threw up!"

"Well, I don't think they'll have burritos, but I'm sure it'll be fine, babe" – Lorelai reassured her daughter.

"Anything is fine, really"

"Wait, Ace, don't you think we should, I don't know, talk about this?"

"The less said about us being half brother and sister and how many times we've– You know, the better. Agreed?" – Logan winced but nodded.

"Yeah, agreed. And let's not mention this to the guys, I don't think I'd survive it"

"Oh God, yes. I think Paris would want to write a book about it, or something"

"That sounds like Paris" – Lorelai added.

"Let's eat, kids, and we'll talk a little more over dinner. Speaking of, Logan. Did you know your sister is engaged?"

"I heard" – Rory looked at Logan then Mitchum, realizing she had a half older sister too. She always wanted a big sister.

"Yes..." – the older ones looked at one another dotingly – "And I'm divorcing your mom"

"Wait, what?"

"So you can be brother and sister officially!" – Lorelai joked.

"But I think you should probably break up" – Mitchum said in all seriousness as they sat – "It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant and has webbed feet"

"Yeah. I want really cute grandkids" – Lorelai added.

"Preferably with parents who are not related to one another" – Mitchum finished – "But hey. Dinner first"

Logan proceeded to slam his head on the table, but Rory smelled the nice, hardy salad and decided. Well.

Gilmore Girls do like their food.

* * *

Oh dear. LOL

And yes, I had to add Lorelai, it only made sense.

Next week, the culmination of this entire trio of stories. And the titles kind of form a weird sentence. =P


	15. Come Down For A Dance

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: Incest Alert. For reals. . . For Realsies.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 15 – Come Down For A Dance**

Lorelai has a couple of little secrets she never told anyone.

* * *

Ever since Rory told her mother she was dating Logan officially, the woman had been acting the weirdest she'd ever seen. Seriously, and this was Lorelai Gilmore, so it's saying something. But the girl was far too preoccupied with psyching herself up for dinner at the Huntzbergers. She read everything she could find on each member so she at least had context on them, but most of all, she tried not to throw up at the thought of meeting such esteemed people.

Mitchum Huntzberger himself! It was a dream come true! Maybe she'd even have a moment to tell him how much she admired his writing (his old stuff was still relevant! How cool was that?!) without sounding like a total creep. Or Doyle, you know.

Logan looked dashing as he came to pick her up, and he reassuringly told her everything was going to be okay, the focus would be on Honor and Josh, God help them both, so there was no reason for her to worry. She did anyway, but such was Rory Gilmore's usual mindset. They went to the Huntzberger home listening to an 80's rock radio station, which both confessed to enjoying very much.

The Huntzberger home was even more impressive and daunting than it looked in the few article photos she'd managed to find, but all the same, she straightened her back, smoothed down her dress and fluffed her hair, put on a smile and walked hand in hand with Logan to the main entrance.

Honor babbled incomprehensively at them, and even Logan looked confused as they entered. Rory hadn't known Logan long, but she sensed that he got along great with his sister, and if they weren't speaking the same language... Things could not be going well inside. She took a deep breath as she saw a gathering of unfamiliar heads.

... Plus a really, shockingly familiar dark haired head and OH MY GOD, that was her mom. Holy crap, THAT HEAD WAS LORELAI GILMORE'S. What was her mom's head doing at the Huntzbergers?!

"Mom?" – Rory whispered, frowning. The woman turned and, voilà, it was Lorelai. The woman smiled apologetically and got up. She looked Logan up and down and visibly winced.

"Hey babe" – she said softly, eyes glancing to the young couple's linked hands – "So, Logan Huntzberger"

"Yes. Miss Gilmore, hello, nice to see you again"

"Lorelai, please" – she said automatically, giving him a tight smile. Rory did not like where the evening was going, and she hadn't even been introduced to the Huntzbergers!

"So!" – the almighty Mitchum Huntzberger himself got up with a larger than life smile and walked up to the couple – "This is Rory! Why, she's just as lovely as you were at her age, Lor" – he complimented – "Hello, Rory, I'm Mitchum, it's very nice to meet you, you have no idea"

"Oh!" – she managed to gasp when he suddenly grabbed her in a hug. Jesus, none of the articles on the man said he was so touchy feely with people he didn't even know. Logan made a noise like an irritated cat but said nothing – "Yes, sir, nice to, er, nice to meet you"

"She's so tall!" – Mitchum mused to Lorelai, who shrugged.

"Well, dad's pretty tall, have you seen the man? And I'm not exactly a midget" – Rory didn't think she particularly liked the way the man's eyes travelled all. Over. Lorelai's figure. Ew. Seriously, ew. That was worse that the hug, and the hug was bad. It was– God, no.

"Yes, indeed. Now! Quick introductions. Rory, meet my father, Eli" – the much older man saluted her with his dead serious filled glass of whisky – "I think you know Honor, yes? That's her, and her little fiancée Josh– Oh please, Honor, of course I know, don't be ridiculous" – he rolled his eyes at the way his daughter stuttered and Josh shook nervously – "This is it, the whole family"

"Er, where's mom?" – Logan questioned hesitantly, looking around. Yeah, where was matriarch Shira, who'd come from a fairly middle class family but managed to ensnare and marry playboy Mitchum Huntzberger? Or so Rory had read in several gossipy pieces.

"Shira is not feeling well, I'm afraid" – Mitchum said evenly – "Now sit, sit, come now. No, not there" – he scolded briefly when the couple made to sit together – "Rory, sit with your mother, good girl. Logan, you can sit over there" – he directed his son to a lone table between the two couches where Lorelai and Rory and then Honor and Josh sat.

They remained in dead silence for a few minutes. Minutes, Rory counted in her head. Lorelai kept looking between Mitchum and Logan, Honor looked too scared to say anything (not to mention Josh, who was sweating bullets, poor guy), Eli drank (a lot, Rory had never seen someone drink so much at once), Logan wiggled in his seat, apparently uncomfortable, and Mitchum mostly stared at Rory. Yes, it was creepy, and yes, she wanted to tell him that his mommy was right there, and she didn't like creepy old men staring at her, thanks.

"Drinks!" – Mitchum finally said, or screamed – "Who wants drinks? I'll get everyone something to drink. Wait, no, you" – he pointed at a woman standing to the side, in a dark corner, appearing suddenly and making Rory start – "What does everyone want?"

"Dry martini, and keep 'em coming" – Lorelai quickly asked.

"I guess I'll have scotch" – Logan said with a confused frown.

"White wine, please" – Honor said, fanning herself. Josh nodded along.

"Just some more ice" – Eli morosely said. Mitchum turned to Rory expectantly.

"I, er, I guess some... Club soda?"

"Come now, Rory! You can ask for anything, anything at all, really!"

"Just... Club soda is fine, sir"

"Mitchum, please"

"... Right. So, club soda" – was he leering at her? She couldn't tell.

"And I'll have some vodka, on the rocks with a twist" – the man said with a final look at the maid – "So, Rory! I hear you are a budding journalist!"

"I'm... Yes. I'm working on it"

"Very hard, from what Lorelai told me" – the woman winced, and boy, did Rory want to show her discomfort that easily too. She held on bravely, though – "It's so nice that's you're–" – he widened his eyes and clammed up. Eli snorted into his drink and kept drinking until the maid came back with ice, then resumed downing the whole thing.

"And Mitchum said you're, er, very smart, Logan!" – Lorelai commented with a nervous laugh. The blond guy blinked in surprise, and Rory had to concede that even for her mom, that was pretty off base.

"Yes, miss– I mean, Lorelai. I mean. Thank you, thank you, yes" – he shot his dad a look that was totally ignored.

"How long have you two been together?" – Eli asked, and hiccupped a couple of times. Mitchum and Lorelai suddenly appeared really, truly, disturbingly interested in the answer.

"Not long at all" – Logan smiled at Rory – "We kind of just got official today" – Lorelai made a sound like someone was insulting Donna Reed in front of her and she couldn't say anything about it. Mitchum looked grim as he accepted his drink and quickly had some of it.

"But you have been 'together' a while now?" – Eli pressed shamelessly. Rory blushed to the root of her hair, mortified by the line of questioning. Seriously, why was this necessary at all? In front of her mom, of all people!

Thankfully, she wasn't alone. Honor and Josh looked like they wanted to crawl under their seat, and Logan... Man, Logan looked about ready to explode.

"Granddad!" – he erupted, waving the maid with his scotch away – "What the hell!"

"Enough with the language, Logan" – Mitchum snapped – "And he– We do have a point with all of this"

"What point!" – Lorelai and Mitchum traded looks that Rory did. Not. Appreciate. At all. At all, man.

"Right, honey, I need to tell you something" – the woman said gently to her daughter. Well, the night was already bizarre, what's a little more?

"Okay...?"

"When I was younger... Well, when I was fifteen, you know I was dating your dad"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, I never really told you that I, hum, I wasn't completely exclusive with him. Or him with me, really, I mean, c'mon, we were hot fifteen year olds!" – she babbled.

"Mom?"

"Sorry. Hum, so, hum, I kind of had this thing with this older guy and that's kind of when I got pregnant"

"Oh God" – Rory gasped – "Mom, why are you–? Why are you telling me this HERE of all places?"

"Well, hun..." – her eyes flickered to Logan, and Rory started.

"Ew! No, mom!"

"I'm sorry!" – Lorelai begged.

"My boyfriend's dad? Mom!"

"Ew" – Honor said softly, frowning at her dad. The man just sighed.

"Lorelai, tell her everything. Band–aid, remember?"

"Right. Rip it right off" – she took a huge breath – "Ididn'tjusthaveyouIhadtwinsandLoganisyourtwinbrotherI'msorryI'msosorry!"

"... What?" – Rory looked back at Logan, who looked as puzzled as she felt.

"Oh, for God's sakes" – Eli snapped, slamming his glass on a nearby table – "You two are twins! There, I said it. Get me more ice" – he told the maid, though she was a little too busy trying to retrieve her jaw off the floor.

Rory's jaw was in similar state, though she was making no effort to get it back. Honor and Josh looked green around the edges, and Logan– Oh God, ew. EWWWWW.

"Mommy?" – Rory whimpered. Lorelai winced and awkwardly patted her shoulder.

"Sorry, babe. I meant to tell you so many times, but– I mean, Mitchum and I had a sort of agreement. We didn't think you two would ever meet! You don't exactly run in the same circles"

"You clearly underestimated the power of attraction between twins" – Eli piped up, looking very much on this side of drunk off his ass.

"Dad, please, I think they've had enough for now"

"What? It's only natural that they felt attracted to one another! It's unfortunate that they've probably banged, but–"

No one got much warning before Logan suddenly threw up all over the floor, though everyone instinctively pulled their feet up to escape the onslaught of bile.

A good fifteen minutes later, Mitchum, Lorelai, Eli, Honor, Josh and Rory were sitting around the Huntzberger massive dinner table, though only the elder ones looked okay to eat. Josh looked green enough that a maid had discreetly left a bucket beside him, Honor was sniffing and coughing every now and then, and Rory–

After Logan finished getting rid of everything he consumed in the last year of his life plus a lung, Mitchum ordered a butler to escort him to his room for a nice shower, change of clothes and rest. Rory took one look at the nearly unconscious Logan, his (her? Oh God, her) dad, and her (his? HIS?) mom and promptly fainted in Lorelai's arms. She came to quickly enough as the parents (God, ew) freaked out a little and after sidestepping all the vomit, she was led into the dining room.

"I don't think anyone has to tell you it's not okay for you to bang your brother anymore, right?" – Eli commented over the salad course. Lorelai wrinkled her nose and Mitchum sighed.

"Dad, stop saying 'bang'"

"I would say what I really have in mind, but I don't want to scare off my granddaughter"

Oh God.

Thankfully, a maid had also left a bucket beside Rory.

Needless to say, the subsequent family reunions were very, very, very awkward. No girl ever wants to say she'd seen her own twin brother's dick and that they'd–

Vomit buckets remained a welcomed staple at all Huntzberger family reunions from then on, with the twins wearing them out as they tried to remain as far away from the other as they could.

* * *

I'm not too sure about the ending, but. It is what it is. And thus ends my ideas for incest. Hopefully it's the final incest-y story in this series. =)


	16. Cat Meow!

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Obs: Guess the only warning should be... Mention of statutory rape.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 16 – Cat Meow!**

Lorelai's past comes back to bite Rory in the ass.

* * *

When Logan first saw Rory, he felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. He didn't know if it was the eyes, or the hair, or a combination, but she reminded him of someone. Well, he knew WHO she reminded him of, but he knew it was impossible it was her. he even as far as to ask absently if she had any siblings once they started to get to know each other, but she said that she didn't.

Hey, girls with dark eyes and blue eyes weren't that rare, so meh.

Even after having sex with Rory, the feeling of déjà vu didn't quite disappear. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, because it was like seeing a person and not remembering their name but knowing for sure that you knew them. Like that, but more sexual.

After he got together with her officially and she met Honor, he called his sister afterwards and asked if he thought Rory looked like anyone she knew. His sister hummed into the phone, confirming that she did indeed look familiar, and not because of the hair and eye color combo, but something... Else. Maybe something in her mannerisms, because that, Honor said, made her feel like she'd met her before. Logan shook himself out of it, and decided to ignore it.

Rory looked pretty when he went to pick her up for dinner at the Huntzbergers, and she was shaking in excitement and anticipation, though he didn't know why. It was just his parents, and they were going to be backup and shields for poor Honor and Josh, no more, no less, it was gonna be fine.

Yeah. Fine.

When he got home, everyone was already in, including his ever late dad, which was surprising enough, and they looked upset. Upset Huntzbergers usually meant someone had screwed up, and since he was six, Logan confessed that he was the guilty party, more often than not.

What now? He'd been so good lately! And look! A Gilmore as his girlfriend! A pretty, smart and nice girlfriend! Did he mention she was a Gilmore? His parents loved the Gilmores! (though he always suspected his mom envied Emily's easy poise, and his dad was wary of Richard's always well placed mask). But still. The Gilmores!

"Hey... Everyone" – he at last greeted.

"Logan, son" – Mitchum replied, eyes flickering to Rory – "Sit, sit. And who is this... Lovely young lady you have there?" – his hesitance was even more worrying than him being early, but Logan steeled himself for whatever was to come.

"This is Rory. Gilmore" – he added swiftly. She smiled politely and waved.

"Hi" – her nervousness was very apparent, but Logan hoped she'd get it together. Huntzbergers were sharks, they could taste blood in the water before you even stepped onto it, and the way Ace was going, his family was well on their way to eating her whole.

"Would anyone like a drink?" – Shira asked after Logan quickly introduced everyone as the young couple sat.

"Just some club soda, if you have it" – Rory asked softly.

"We have everything, girl" – Eli snorted into his scotch. Logan wondered if that was his first one of the night, the old man sure looked red in the face.

"Er, I'll just have some wine" – Logan said uncertainly. His sister was fidgeting and not making eye contact with anyone, while Josh held her hand while shooting the elder Huntzbergers frightened looks (honestly, what his badass sister saw in the guy, he'd never know). Eli was downright staring at Rory as he attempted to drink enough to substitute his blood for scotch, Shira was demurely sipping on a cocktail, and Mitchum was busying himself by getting Rory and Logan their drinks.

So. Weird.

As soon as Mitchum handed the young couple their glasses, he sat beside his wife and proceeded to mimic his father and stare at Rory, though he was slightly less blatant about it. Ace noticed it, though, and remained stiff beside her new boyfriend.

Alright, time to end the charade.

"What's going on?" – Logan asked, putting his glass down and getting ready to throw down. Honor sighed deeply and he looked at her minutely.

"I'm so sorry, but I had to tell them" – she said softly, making her kitty–is–sorry face.

"Tell them what?"

"I understand your mother is one Lorelai Gilmore, yes?" – Mitchum interrupted. All eyes turned to Rory, who set her glass on the table with a lightly trembling hand.

"Yes, that's right. Well, I guess it's Lorelai Gilmore II" – she cut herself off before she went on full babbling mode.

"And she has dark hair and blue eyes?" – Shira tagged in.

"Er, yes"

"Oh God, it's true" – Shira mumbled into her drink. Eli shook his head and threw back the scotch (the old man was gonna live forever, by God).

"What's going on exactly? Why are you asking about Ace's mom?"

"Do you recall that time when you were fifteen, son?" – Mitchum asked slowly. Logan nodded carefully. He'd done a lot of things at fifteen.

"The woman, Logan, the woman!" – Shira snapped – "The woman who stole your innocence!" – her son flushed some. Jesus, his 'innocence'.

"Mom, why do we need to have this conversation right now?" – he begged, holding Rory's hand tightly.

"Because it was this girl's mother who violated you!" – the matriarch bellowed, getting up in a flash and pointing at Rory – "Her mother was the one who destroyed your childhood! Her! HER!" – she kept rudely pointing, but Logan was frozen in place.

Oh God no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

"It can't be her mom. She's not–"

"My mom would never sleep with a fifteen year old" – Rory stated in a steady tone, raising her head proudly.

"Believe me, little girl, there is plenty you probably don't know about your dear trampy mother"

"Mom!" – Honor exclaimed.

"What now? I know you were just as unhappy to find out that Logan was screwing that woman's daughter" – Shira said, and her daughter sighed and slumped back into the couch.

Logan got up while taking deep breaths.

"Everyone needs to calm down now"

"I'm totally calm" – Eli piped up, and hiccupped.

"You're drunk, pop" – Mitchum commented with a slightly amused turn of lips – "And son, do sit. We can discuss this as adults"

"Discuss what!"

"How you're dating the daughter of the woman who committed statutory rape with you when you were fifteen" – Josh answered in a low voice.

"She didn't– It wasn't like that, it wasn't rape!"

"You were fifteen, she was– What, in her twenties? She was certainly over eighteen, Logan, wake up" – Shira thundered.

"Okay, my mom didn't do this!" – Rory exclaimed, also getting up – "She could never do something so awful!" – Logan winced and turned to her.

"Do you have a picture of her, Ace?"

"Not on me" – she answered, frowning.

"I do" – Mitchum said, pulling a large photo from his jacket – "From the party" – he explained, and handed it to Rory. She gasped as her jaw dropped.

"Oh no" – she whispered, staring at the photo with a very, disturbingly young looking Logan wearing a smirk and standing way too close to a tall, beautiful woman who happened to be one Lorelai Gilmore in her late twenties – "I can't believe this. Logan? Please tell you two... Didn't...?"

"This doesn't change anything between us, Ace" – he said, and that was answer enough for her, clearly. She dropped the photo and stepped away from him – "Ace, no, please, let's talk about this"

"About how my mom had sex with my boyfriend when he was fifteen and now we can say we have way too much in common?" – she shuddered – "Oh God, my mom and I have been with the same guy, oh God, ew, I need to go" – she shivered all over and dashed out.

"Well, that was rude" – Eli commented, already with a freshly topped glass of scotch.

"I guess we can cancel her salad" – Shira said with a snort.

"You guys suck" – Logan said, huffing and turning from looking after a long gone Rory.

"Not all of us" – Josh mumbled under his breath.

... Okay fine, Logan could sort of see why his sister could possibly, maybe, be into him. He was still minus a girlfriend now. Goddamn.

* * *

Not my best work by far, I don't think, but eh.

I'd like to warn everyone that I've only three more chapters finished, with 13 planned ones, which means, after these three, if I don't write any more, I will take a little break. Sadly, I'm not the fastest writer in the world, and I am kind of more into my other story (Potencial Good Company) at the moment rather than this (or both, I guess). So, sorry in advance, because I think it's very unlikely that I'll manage to keep this weekly schedule much longer.


	17. Bundles of Joy

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 17 – Bundles of Joy**

A little mix–up back in the 80's has long reaching consequences.

* * *

When one young Shira Huntzberger was presented with a beautiful little boy, she stared, enchanted, at his sweet if scrunched up face. He looked nothing like his sister Honor had looked when she was born, but. Well, they were both her children and she was going to do right by them and care for them both best as she could. She placed a gentle kiss on the little boy's forehead and hummed a lullaby as she rocked him.

Many doors down, an older couple was staring down at their granddaughter as their one and only daughter cried over the baby and promised to love her forever. The woman hesitate before putting a hand on her child's shoulder, but the smile on her lips was all natural.

"She's lovely, Lorelai" – she said softly.

"Thanks, mom"

"What's her name?"

"Rory"

"That's a wonderful name" – the dad said softly, eyes on all his girls.

"Rory Gilmore" – the teenage mom said in a far away tone.

Meanwhile, a slightly tipsy nurse walked out of her shift, none the wiser that while babies looked the same, they were not, in fact, the same.

Years passed and Rory Gilmore and Logan Huntzberger, born just hours away from the other didn't cross paths as they grew in entirely different circumstances. Rory was a small town girl, Logan was a rich playboy, and they never even knew about the other's existence until their lives crashed at Yale University. It wasn't quite love at first sight, but close enough, and soon they were falling into bed and in a relationship.

Just in time for Honor Huntzberger to bed her little brother to come along for dinner because she was terrified to announce she was engaged to her long time boyfriend Josh. Logan easily agreed to come and Honor butted in and invited Rory along. Logan didn't quite like the way his sister stared at Rory curiously, and not just because he'd called her his girlfriend. It was something... More.

When the new couple arrived at the Huntzberger mansion, Logan started to feel a weight in his stomach. Nah, everything was going to be okay, they would all love Rory, how would they not? But why was he feeling like he was not going to like the way the night went?

His family was all gathered up when they went in, and Shira in particular downright stared at Rory with a frightening intensity. Logan wished his female relatives warned him before they decided they wanted to jump his girlfriend, it was only polite, really. And ew, his mom. Ew, his sister. Gawd.

"This is Rory?" – Shira asked softly, eyes still trained on the girl as the young couple sat.

"Yes, this is Rory" – he smiled fondly at the girl and she smiled nervously back.

"She's so beautiful" – the words seemed to escape Shira's lips, and she looked surprised in herself. She wasn't the only one, because Logan and Mitchum shot her looks in unison – "Sorry, but– Oh God, no" – she moaned and turned to Honor, who nodded – "Will, you, darling?" – she begged, and with graceful movements, Logan watched at his sister rose and went to a corner table and came back with a–

"Is that your family album?" – Logan asked, confused, at his mom. She nodded as she accepted it and flipped the pages furiously. Mitchum was frowning at her by now, and Logan's grandfather, Eli, was looking between Rory and Honor intently. He sighed deeply, which in Logan's eyes was not a good thing, and ordered the maid to pour some whisky for everyone.

Okay, something was wrong.

"Mitchum, look" – Shira demanded, making the puzzled man look at whatever she was showing him on the album. He did a very obvious double take, and his head very slowly turned up and at Rory, who was not just subtly nervous anymore.

"No, it can't be" – the man whispered – "It can't be" – he looked at the album again and shook his head – "How could this be?! This can't– How?!"

"She was born the day after Logan" – Shira said softly.

Wait, who– Who the hell were they–? Not Ace. Jesus, what was going on?

"Mom? Dad?" – Shira winced a little and turned to Logan – "Wanna share with the class? What are you even looking at?"

"Oh, Logan" – the woman said gently.

"Miss Gilmore" – Mitchum directed at the jumpy girl – "Do you by any chance know anything about your family?"

"Er, sorry?" – the man stared and shook his head.

"No, excuse me, I didn't phrase it correctly. I mean... Oh, this is awkward to ask, but are you... Do you... Do you look like anyone in your family?"

"Do I–? Do I look like anyone in my family?" – she looked around uncertainly – "I... I always thought I looked a lot like my mom" – Shira's wince was very noticeable this time. Honor got up and went to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. Both women gladly accepted the glasses of whisky.

"And you were born at Hartford Memorial, do you know?" – Mitchum questioned.

"Dad, what's with all these questions?" – Logan asked anxiously, not liking the weird picture of his mom on a seemingly emotional breakdown, and Honor of all people supporting her. Also, his grandfather so hated sharing his precious whisky, and here he was handing it around like party favors.

"It's okay, Logan" – Rory said pleasantly – "Yes, Mister Huntzberger, I was born at Hartford Memorial"

"Oh boy" – the man sighed.

"I'm sorry, sir, but is there–?" – Rory tried gently, but Shira then simply burst into tears, startling her, Logan and the mousy Josh. Honor instantly dropped to the floor in front of her, trying to soothe her. Mitchum put a hand on her back, his expression on that Logan rarely, if ever, saw, concerned and lost. The great Mitchum Huntzberger, lost. Jesus.

Rory looked absolutely flabbergasted, not that Logan could possibly blame her, he was pretty thrown, actually.

"Mom? Dad?" – Logan said, voice cracking a little. Mitchum took a deep breath and turned to him.

"I'm sorry, Logan, but" – he glanced at Rory – "There's something we will need to confirm, but–" – he shook his head – "I think it's fair to say that... Your mother just confirmed a suspicion that Honor brought to our attention after she met your– After she met Rory" – the blond young man looked at his sister, who refused to meet his eyes, oddly enough.

"Er, what's wrong then?"

"Here, look" – Mitchum gently removed the album from Shira's lap even as the woman continue to weep, and handed it to Logan – "Recognize anyone?"

Logan search the open pages and stopped dead when he saw it. Jesus Christ. No. Way. No. No, no, no, no, there was no way.

"Is this–? Who is this?"

"That's your– That's Shira's older sister" – Mitchum said softly, and Shira let out a louder sob – "She died several years ago. That's her when she was eighteen years old"

"Wow" – Rory whispered in awe as she looked over his shoulder – "Wow, I really do look like her" – Logan stared as his father took the big breaths of big breaths.

"There is no easy way to say this, miss Gilmore" – the man started, very quickly – "But I believe you are our daughter"

Truth be told, Logan had never, ever, witnessed a scene that could be described as 'you could hear a pin drop', but seriously. You could hear a hair drop. Other than his mom's sniffling, that is.

"What the hell does that even mean?!" – he finally blew up into the silence. Eli tsked at him while doing a round motion with his hand to indicate that everyone needed more whisky.

"That means, boy" – the old man said all too calmly – "that we get a do–over baby. A smart, pretty, and sweet sister, daughter and granddaughter"

"Pops" – Mitchum mumbled, sipping onto some whisky – "Don't start"

"Oh what. You know very well I've never quite liked Logan. He's nothing like a Huntzberger out to be! You were never a playboy like him! Or as uninterested in the family business, that is simply shameful!"

"No... Oh my God" – Rory started hyperventilating a bit – "No, no, I'm a Gilmore! I'm Lorelai Gilmore's daughter!"

"I'm afraid you're really Shira Huntzberger's kid" – Eli snorted – "And Honor's little sister, and didn't you always want one dear? And Mitchum's youngest child, and my one and only littlest granddaughter" – he puffed up like a big old peacock – "My intelligent, dedicated and talented reporter of a granddaughter"

"Geez, pops"

"What? It's all the truth!"

"You don't have to say it like that"

"Like what?"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" – Logan screamed, completely fed up with the entire situation.

Also, c'mon, where were the cameras? His mom did always say she wanted to be an actress before she became Mrs. Mitchum Huntzberger, so it had to be a joke right? Yeap, it was a joke. Ha–ha, look at 'im laughing his ass off.

... Wait, no he wasn't. Moving along then.

"There is really no need to shout, Logan" – Eli berated – "You really are far too unruly, I am ever so glad you are not in fact my blood"

"Pops, please"

"I can't NOT be your kid, how does that even make any sense?! I'm older than Ace!"

"No, you are the same age. You were born a day apart. Well, a few hours apart" – Mitchum stated.

"Dad, c'mon, what's going on? This is so not funny. Right, Ace?" – but Rory was sitting down with the album on her knees, and she was hesitantly touching the picture of Shira's supposed sister – "Ace?"

"But I'm a Gilmore" – she whispered – "I'm a Gilmore"

"Of course you are, and I'm a Huntzberger"

"Well, technically–"

"Granddad, seriously, shut up"

"Don't tell me to shut up, you brat. And while we're on the subject–"

"What subject?"

"You better stay far away from my lovely granddaughter"

"Excuse me?"

"You are far beneath her, Logan, you have to see it"

"Wow, okay, pops, Logan–"

"I'm beneath her? How?!"

"You are not a Huntzberger, you are a Gilmore. In that you are already less than her"

"I can't believe this!"

"He's a Hayden too" – Rory said softly. The men's heads snapped to her – "My dad– I mean, Logan's dad– Christopher is Christopher Hayden, so if it makes any difference..."

"Some difference, I suppose" – Eli grumbled – "But you are still all too loose, boy, and I do not care for someone like you for my granddaughter. Look at Honor! She got Josh, and he's pretty boring, but he's steady and good at his job and sort of smart once he stops stuttering around us"

"Great, so I'm NOT a Huntzberger AND I'm all wrong for my own girlfriend?"

"Also you don't have a trust fund, naturally" – Eli said, maybe a tad too smug about it, especially as his smirk made him look like he was actually drinking the blood of his enemies.

Okay, that was it. Gloves off. Gloves. OFF!

Logan leaped and tackled Eli, making Honor gasp and yell for them to stop. Shira quit sniffling and scrambled with her (older) daughter and husband to get away from the scramble. Josh whimpered and moved away as well, though he was the farthest from the duo, and Rory stared in shock at her boyfriend (?) and0– Yeah. She put the album down on the coffee table and with a sharp nod, moved closer to her remaining family (?).

"Do they do this often?" – she questioned lightly. Honor opened a bright smile and hugged her while Shira gently passed a hand through her hair. It was nice.

"I'm afraid it's a normal enough occurrence" – Mitchum replied with an unconcerned shrug.

"I would still like to have contact with– You know, my family"

"Oh, don't worry, my dear" – her... Dad?, said soothingly – "We would never just rip you away from them like that"

"Now you've done it, boy!" – Eli roared and slammed a groaning Logan onto the floor. Rory winced as the old man proceeded to punch her boyfriend (?) into oblivion.

"Maybe we should go and have dinner now" – Honor proposed, arms still tight around Rory.

"Lovely idea" – Shira complimented in an absent tone as she smiled fondly at Rory – "My sister didn't have quite your beautiful hair, you know. You can't tell in the pictures–"

"Get off me!" – Logan exclaimed.

"But her hair was a bit of a mess" – she finished.

"Not now you don't, you brat!" – Eli snapped back, not allowing Logan to flee his fate.

"We have lamb, do you like lamb, Rory?" – Mitchum asked as the family (and a frightened but surprisingly quick on his feet Josh) moved along to the dining room.

"I love lamb"

"Wonderful! You must tell me everything about you, darling, starting with–" – Shira chatted away.

As they ate, the sounds of Logan and Eli's continued battle, so to speak, were easily heard. Rory looked over her shoulder as a maid cleared the salad plates and frowned.

"Is... Are they going to be alright?"

"Oh, trust me, pops will be fine" – Mitchum reassured her.

"Pretty sure she was asking about Logan, dad"

"Ah, yes. No worries, dear, he'll bounce back. Now, I know you must like him, for some reason, but would you be terribly upset about meeting some nice young men if we were to introduce them to you?" – Rory winced at the sound of Logan screaming yet again, and turned to her– Dad?

"I... Guess... Sure. As long as it's not too many at once"

"No worries there, sweetie" – Shira laughed a little – "It's not like there even are that many suitable boys out there. Surely not even enough to fill this table" – she tsked – "It's so hard to find nice boys and girls these days, though I suppose we no longer have to worry about them nice girls"

"What about Janlan's grandson?" – Mitchum asked and Honor nodded enthusiastically.

"He'd look so good with Rory!" – she gushed – "He's kinda like Logan except, you know, he cleaned up his act, so he would be great!"

"Let's not get too carried away now" – Mitchum said playfully – "We just got her back, we can't have her planning to leave us for some boy so soon"

"Oh daddy" – Honor tittered – "I'm hardly running from home"

"No, you aren't, but Rory is all the way at Yale already, it's too far from us"

"But she is a Huntzberger" – Shira said imperially – "... And a Gilmore, I suppose, so she is a Yalie through and through, it wouldn't do for her to transfer to Harvard just to be close to us"

"Of course, yes"

"How do you like Yale, Rory?" – the girl smiled nervously but was encouraged by the way everyone, even scared little mousy Josh, smiled at her.

"Well–"

Rory didn't actually see Logan for the rest of the night, nor Eli. A maid came around the middle of the main course and whispered in Mitchum's ear that the two had headed straight to their rooms to rest after their little brawl. The head of the table told everyone about it, and Rory didn't feel too bad about her boyfriend. Attacking her grandfather, really.

Who would've guessed her life could take such a drastic turn in a single night?

She was not looking forward to telling her other family about it. God, her grandparents would just die with a grandson like Logan!

Logan better watch himself, or Emily Gilmore would whip his ass for being a rude little shit. That and, if he ever dared try to start a fight with Richard Gilmore, she was entirely too sure that the older man would wipe the floor with him without a second thought and make him clean it up after he was conscious enough for it.

... No, she didn't want to watch it go down with her old and new family members cheering Richard on, shut up.

(but maybe a little, shut up already)

* * *

This started out real down and heavy and then Logan slid into the drama and then it became crack-y, which, hey, I liked it. 'Cause this was very ridiculous, I admit.


	18. Something Not In Your Eyes

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 18 – Something Not In Your Eyes**

The Huntzbergers are very traditional.

* * *

Logan knew how his family felt about choosing one's significant others. He didn't really care for it, didn't quite, you know, believe in the whole destiny, one true love kind of thing, but he supposed he was glared into submission and came to at least respect it, with a great degree of skepticism even after a lifetime of being bored and disgusted by his parents' doting relationship.

Then Honor met Josh and– Honor, high strung, sharp smart, witty and beautiful Honor took one look at boring as hell Josh and that was it, she was dead gone, and Logan was left wondering... Maybe it was true.

When he met Rory Gilmore, he knew that wasn't it. It wasn't destiny, it wasn't a feeling like his life suddenly had some deeper meaning that it had never even had the chance of having before, as Mitchum waxed drunkenly sometimes, nor had his whole world shifted to make sure Rory knew she was the only person in the world that mattered to him, as Honor said happened with her and Josh. No, when he met Rory, Ace, it was– It was pure attraction. She was gorgeous angry and self righteous and such a fucking goodie–goodie he could barely restrain from wanting to taint her.

After their first time together, after he'd tainted her a little, he wondered why he felt so close to her, why he wanted to be with her all the time, and if this was akin to what his dad and sister talked about. Even his grandfather had talked about 'it' like a life altering moment he would never forget – and he could recall every second of his first meeting with Rory, both alone in a hallway, her so mad at him and him a little drunk from the night before. Maybe this was 'it', just different.

She came back from a trip to her hometown and proceeded to break things off with him, and he felt his heart leap and scream and he almost couldn't hold back from throwing himself on the floor and begging her not to do it, for her to think further on it because he wasn't about to let her go. He managed to talk his way through getting her to agree to a serious, monogamous relationship. She was his girlfriend, he was her boyfriend and–

His life didn't feel utterly different. His world was still turning as it always had, he still looked at other girls and desired them just as before, and he didn't want to cry when Ace wasn't around. He was still Logan Huntzberger, not LoganandRory like HonorandJosh and MitchumandShira.

Ace was a wonderful girl and he might just be falling in love for the first time in his life, but she wasn't 'it' for him.

Honor picked up on it immediately after he announced Ace was his girlfriend when she came over to tell him about Josh finally proposing, and how the family was having a little dinner to celebrate. She hid it really well, but he knew her every thought, and he barely winced at the look she sent him on her way out of her dorm. Yeah, he was seriously dating a girl who wasn't 'it', so what? He wouldn't let his sister judge him so harshly for it.

The moment he stepped into the Huntzberger home with Rory, he knew the night was going to be a difficult one. MitchumandShira had their game face on, and even HonorandJosh looked solemnly at them. His grandfather Eli looked irritated, and it was a departure from his usual complacent expression.

"So! This is the girlfriend!" – Shira exclaimed, smiling ever so sweetly, one hand clutching a martini glass while the other was held gently by Mitchum.

"This is the girlfriend, yes. Rory Gilmore"

"Rory Gilmore" – Shira repeated, sighing dramatically – "Such a lovely girl! Isn't she lovely, Mitchum darling?"

"Yes she is, my love" – he replied with a smile – "You are the first girl Logan has ever brought home, you know" – he told Ace, who startled and smiled faintly.

"Really. Well, I feel... Honored, then, I guess"

"You should" – Eli interrupted – "For Logan to bring home someone like you is just–"

"Granddad" – Logan snapped.

"Well, excuse me for not being happy about this little union"

"Union?" – Ace whispered incredulously.

"Oh, or are you dating casually? I know how you kids work these days" – Eli huffed – "No sentiment! No thoughts to the future!" – MitchumandShira nodded along.

"You know what?" – Logan started – "It is casual, we're not planning on getting married next year or anything!"

"Then the year after that? What is the point of committing to a relationship if the goal is not to get married?!" – Eli bellowed.

"I can't believe this! We've talked about this! You guys have all been lucky, so lucky, in love, and I haven't! I haven't been able to find, you know, my 'it' like you have, but so what?! I want to find someone to love just as well, and I found Rory! I may not love her just yet, but I care about her!"

"And that's all well and fine, Logan, son" – Shira said softly – "But that is not the way we do things in this family and you know it, son. We do things differently than most of the world, and it has always worked out perfectly well for us, so why change things?"

"Maybe because I don't buy into this bullshit!"

"Logan!" – Mitchum cried angrily – "You will have the courtesy NOT to speak to your mother that way"

"Sorry, mom" – he mumbled back – "But I don't. I've no proof that this is for me. Even Honor was younger than me when she found Josh, and I– I've been out there, I've met people, just like you told me to, and I still have not been able to find 'it', so yeah, I will date casually, and I will care for Rory for as long as we are together"

When he at last looked at Rory, he was surprised to see her hurt expression. Okay, maybe he went a little too far, maybe he said some confusing and even shitty things. Fuck. Fuck damnit.

"I'm sorry, Ace, I–"

"Don't apologize, Logan, I get it. Well, I don't really, I think you guys are talking about something that I really don't understand, or am not meant to understand, anyway, and it's– It's fine, really"

"I think she understands the situation better than you do, Logan" – Mitchum stated plainly – "Or she would, were we to explain, although, I'm sorry to say, Miss Gilmore, but it's a strictly Huntzberger subject and we can't really discuss it with outsiders"

"Yeah, I understand" – she smiled tightly and turned to Logan – "I don't feel very well, can you drive me back? I'm sorry I can't stay for dinner, but I–" – Eli raised a hand.

"It's alright child, and we appreciate your consideration. You seem like a lovely young woman, and it's a shame you are and cannot be quite right for Logan, but such is life. We do not choose certain things, and must accept them as they come"

"Yes... I– It was nice to meet you all" – she said, painfully polite even as Logan could tell her heart was breaking.

"C'mon, Ace, let's go"

Their drive was completely silent, even the radio was turned off. Near Yale, Rory started to cry, and Logan said nothing. There was nothing he could say, because his grandfather was right, it was a Huntzberger thing, and he couldn't possibly even begin to tell her about what it was all about, she wouldn't believe him, and it would make no sense to her – even to him it was a foreign concept.

"I would still like to be your boyfriend, if you want me to be" – he said softly as he parked. The girl sniffed.

"I think we should take a little break, actually"

"What? Are you serious?"

"Your family is clearly passionate about– You know, whatever it is that you were talking about, and I obviously don't fit whatever standard they have for your future wife"

"You don't, but that doesn't have to matter, does it?"

"Except that it does"

"It doesn't have to" – he insisted.

"I guess it wouldn't have worked out anyway"

"What? Why do you say that?" – she gave him a watery smile.

"I'm still waiting for my 'him' too"

"You– What?"

"It's a Hayden thing. Maybe it's like your family thing, but–" – she shook her head – "It doesn't matter. I guess I was expecting too much out of this, us. Thank you for everything, Logan, but I don't think this is going to work out after all" – she quickly got out of the car and rushed back to her dorm and into the darkness.

"Damnit!" – he yelled, slamming the steering wheel several times.

"Wow, you really need to chill" – a throaty, sexy voice said, and he looked up to find a blond girl walking up to him, arm in arm with a shorter brunette.

"Who are you?" – he asked breathlessly, feeling like someone had reached inside him and was trying to pull his heart out as he looked between the girls dazedly.

"I'm Louise and this is Madeline. Was that Rory Gilmore you were dumping just now?"

"She dumped me, actually, but that doesn't matter"

Who would've thought. It just figured Logan would manage to get a girlfriend and get dumped on the same day he finds his 'it' in a dark Yale parking lot.

And, true to nature, he had two 'it'. Such is Logan Huntzberger's life.

Ha, his family could suck it! He was LouiseLoganMadeline!

* * *

Because sometimes you need a soulmates AU. ;)


	19. Oh, Dear

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 19 – Oh, Dear**

Shira has some mighty high standards.

* * *

Shira sighed into her martini as she surveyed the girl his son brought home. Anyone who knew her enough, like her family members, knew just by looking at her face, that she was not at all pleased by what she was seeing.

The girl (Rory Gilmore, Logan said) was tall, pretty and seemed polite enough. From what she'd heard from her ever proud grandparents, she was a bright young girl with much to look forward to in her professional life (God, so tacky, a professional life! Boring!). Shira, though, wasn't impressed by what the girl had to offer up close. His son had certainly had his fill of rich, smart and pretty girls hanging all over him over the years, and she couldn't for the life of her figure out what was so about the little girl in her living room.

Oh well. Logan had never brought home a girlfriend, so she supposed she would have her work cut out for her with Rory. Rory Huntzberger. Dear. No, that would not do, it would not. Lorelai Huntzberger was marginally better, but at least it sounded more elegant and dignified, and if one were to marry into the family, they either had to have been born with it all, or learn on their feet in no time before they were devoured.

And let's be honest. People wondered how Shira managed to snag Mitchum, but it was so easy to see why once you got past her middle class background. Yes, she would have to make do with Rory– Lorelai.

"So, Rory~" – Shira sung, showing the girl how a Huntzberger woman sounded. The little girl perked up. Good, good. Perhaps not too difficult to mold.

"Yes, Mrs. Huntzberger?"

"Dear, no. Call me Shira. We are going to be family eventually, aren't we?"

"... Excuse me?" – and Emily Gilmore had the gall to call her bright!

"That is why you are here, is it not? Unless Logan brought home some girl he picked up at a bar and not in fact his serious girlfriend" – she said sweetly, turning a smile to her son, who fidgeted.

"Mom, we've just started dating"

"Is that the case? But she is your girlfriend"

"Yes" – he mumbled.

"Excuse me, son?"

"Yes, ma'am" – he repeated after clearing his throat. Shira saw him shoot Lorelai an apologetic glance. Tsk, tsk. Such a soft boy (just like his daddy).

"In any case, dear Rory. I think you shall make a wonderful addition to the family one day"

"... Thank you?"

"Yes, yes. As you can see, there are far too many boys in the family, dear Josh included" – the man nodded respectfully. Honor had insisted on breaking him, having an idea that she wouldn't care much for him if her mother had a go at him, and Shira was more than pleased by the results. A fine young man, dear Josh – "It will be so nice to have another daughter. Honor is the perfect child, but I would like another one" – mother and daughter shared private smiles, and the men shivered almost in unison.

"I..." – Lorelai started uncertainly – "Like Logan said, we have just started dating, it's not... I mean, it's not marriage serious" – her cheeks flooded bright red as Shira continued smiling beatifically at her.

My, this was the formidable Emily Gilmore's one and only grandchild? The future for the Gilmores was grim indeed.

"I understand, Rory dear. But one must always think about the future, don't you agree? That is why people further their studies in their fields of interest– Yours is journalism?"

"Yes. Ma'am" – she added hastily.

"At least it is in line with the family business, good enough choice"

"... Mom" – Logan said softly, eyes begging Shira to be nice. Oh, Logan. Logan, Logan.

"I also understand you wish to actually use your diploma! So quaint"

"Er, yes. I intend to be a foreign correspondent"

"Like Christiane Amanpour?"

"Yes, exactly. She's my role model"

"Quite an impressive woman, I applaud your choice" – she could hear Josh and Eli whimpering a little in the background, but. Meh, Honor could keep them in line – "Now, before we move onto dinner, and what a feast we have in wait!" – she flickered her fingers and Mitchum obediently handed her a significantly thick document.

"Mom, no" – Logan groaned. She turned her head to him and he instantly lowered his gaze. Lorelai looked intrigued as she was handed the document.

"What is this?"

"That is a pre–nup"

"A– Wait. Logan and I aren't getting married any time soon"

"You aren't? Oh dear me. Well, I suppose that until you do, you have more than enough time to got through it, hand it over to your lawyers, you know. Make sure everything is like it should be and mutually beneficial"

"Mrs. Huntzberger, I don't– I don't– This is– Okay, this is moving way too fast. I was just breaking up with Logan the other day and now we're dating and I'm here and you're handing me a pre–nup like we've announced we're getting married next week!" – the little girl exclaimed, and quite rudely too.

Shira tsked, and the men whined softly. Lorelai frowned at Logan in confusion, and met Shira's gaze straight on.

Well, well. Perhaps Logan had picked the right partner after all.

"So you won't even consider it?" – she asked in a smooth, even and perfected gentle tone.

"No, I don't think I will" – Lorelai put the document on the coffee table and didn't even pretend to be mournful about it.

Oh dear. The right girl, but perhaps not moldable enough for Shira's tastes. Tsk, tsk, Logan just had to pick a girl that fell just this side of wrong for the family, didn't he? Unruly boy, she would have to give him a refresher on good manners and decision making later.

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to continue dating my son, in that case" – Shira said with a sigh. Lorelai widened her eyes.

"Wait, what?"

"You refuse to comply with a tiny, little request from your future mother–in–law, how ever can I trust you to be good enough for my son, for my family? No, miss Gilmore, I'm afraid you are not welcomed in this home anymore, I would like to ask you to leave the premises right now. I'm sorry you won't be able to enjoy the dinner I ordered made, it really is marvelous"

"I– I don't– Wow" – Lorelai– Rory. Yes, Rory was fine. Rory stared at Logan, whose head was bowed – "You're seriously not going to say anything? Seriously?"

"I'm sorry, Ace" – the boy whispered, shaking his head miserably. Oh dear. No, Shira would get him a new girl in no time, if nothing else to clear his head with sex. Yes, sex always lifted his spirits, she would help him in that, yes, she would.

"I can't believe this. This is the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened to me!" – Rory more or less exploded, getting up in a huff.

"Don't be so sour, dear" – Shira tittered as the little girl walked away – "No man likes a sour girlfriend, not to say about a sour wife!"

She laughed a little when she heard she front door slam shut.

"Shall we head to dinner? I am positively famished. Honor?" – the young woman nodded and rose.

"Come along, Josh" – she said, and the man dutifully followed his fiancée to the table. With a look back, Mitchum and Eli followed suit.

Logan remained stationary, looking sulky. Dear boy, so sensitive.

"Now, now, son, you knew very well this would happen, did you now?"

"I suppose I did. But you didn't have to scare her off, I'm sure she would've fit into the family just fine, mom" – the boy dared say, but his voice was pleasantly resigned so she let it pass.

"You will find the proper girl one day, son, I'm sure. Now, come. I asked the chef to bake you your favorite"

"White chocolate raspberry soufflé?" – he asked hopefully, following her into the dining room like a sweet little puppy.

"Of course, darling. Now, remember. The next girl you bring should be at least aware of what it means to be a Huntzberger" – the boy pouted but nodded.

"I know. But I like Ace so much"

"Perhaps she'll come around, she is Emily Gilmore's granddaughter, after all. I suppose you may continue to sleep with her, if you insist, but none of this girlfriend/boyfriend nonsense, you hear me?" – he stayed still as she fixed his collar.

"Of course, mom. I'm not too sure Ace will want anything to do with me now, but, thank you"

"You're most welcome, my boy. Now let's go"

Yes, perhaps the next girl would be just right for them. Maybe it would even me a much more docile Rory Gilmore. Perhaps. She would have the most adorable grandchildren, in any case.

Oh well. Onto more important business for the moment. Like food. Yes, good food.

* * *

I don't particularly like this ep, so to anyone who doesn't either... I'm with you.

Now. IMPORTANT! I have not finished any other one-shot so for the forseeable future, this series is on pause. Sorry to anyone who has been following this (AND YOU'RE AWESOME I'M SO SO SO SORRY!). I will try to pick it up as soon as possible but. Shit's not great looking (which's a shame 'cause I have no incest ideas, and the next 13 ideas for stories are mostly pretty out there).


	20. Off With Her Head!

**But I'm A–!**

The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.

PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.

Notes:

"Words" – regular conversation

'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too

* * *

**Scenario 20 – Off With Her Head!**

Rory really should study up on her family tree.

* * *

Many times during her life, Rory felt like she was living in a Woody Allen–esque movie, or even like she'd been dragged into a rabbit hole and everything that was up was down, and the people around her were wearing people's clothes because everything was way too messed up and bizarre.

Actually, things had been weird for a while.

First she got shit faced drunk, then she gave Logan an ultimatum (but not really) and he kind of decided they were going to be girlfriend and boyfriend and she was going to his parents for dinner because his sister (that he never ever told her about!) was getting engaged and it was a Regency type thing where the family may just deny her fiancée entrance into the family, or something. And for some reason, Logan thought it was a great idea for her to meet them in that context.

Fool me once and everything. She liked him being spontaneous and crazy and passionate – but seriously, Logan.

So she went in, his parents and grandfather were pretty cold (she could hear Lorelai chanting in her head, 'Ice, Ice Baby'), Josh was a meek little mouse (so she guessed that was why he could possibly be unsuitable as a new son of the Huntzberger clan?) and Honor was– Not exactly, or at all, the woman who breezed into her brother's dorm and turned to Rory with a shark–like grin. Not to mention what a mausoleum the entire house was, I mean, really.

Drinks were tense, and eating the salad was even weirder.

Maybe Rory should've known better, it was hard to tell when she couldn't read her new boyfriend's family, mainly (or solely) because they were all wearing huge sunglasses. All of them, even Josh. Logan even had one shoved in his hand by a butler as they entered the house, and told rather forcefully to put it on. So, Rory remained the only one to be sunglass–free.

By the time the second course was presented, she was pretty sick of the entire thing, and she wanted so badly to dump Logan and go drown her sorrows in the Huntzbergers' clearly expensive bar, but, alas, Emily Gilmore's voice in her head told her that was NOT how a granddaughter of hers acted, so Rory held tight, tight, tight. Until the matriarch of the family, Shira, gave out a scream. Rory was literally in the middle of biting into her first piece of a wonderful squab. So much for that.

"I cannot take this any longer!" – the woman shrieked, slapping the table and rising, almost trembling in wrath.

... Well, okay then.

"Logan, you dare bring one such as her into our sacred house?!" – the woman bellowed.

"Mom, calm down. Ace is not– You know" – the young man tried, but his father also got up, though his anger was much less apparent.

"I agree with your mother" – his head didn't move from straight at his son – "Miss Gilmore, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you understand why we feel uncomfortable with your presence in our home"

"I do?"

"Lovely!" – Eli cried out – "One of THEM is a jokester! Just what we needed!"

"Granddad" – Logan hissed – "She doesn't know"

"She doesn't know?" – the old man snorted – "She doesn't know?! Don't be stupid, Logan, of course she knows! How could she possibly walk around and NOT know? SHE KNOWS! SHE HAS TO KNOW!"

"Er, if I may" – Rory said shyly, getting pretty freaked out by the whole thing. Jesus, Logan was, you know, okay in the sack, but she was willing to give it up if it meant spending another moment with such weirdoes.

"You may not!" – Shira exclaimed – "You most certainly may NOT say a word, young lady! You have come to spread discord and your filthy poison, but I shall not have it for a moment longer!"

"What–? What discord? What poison?" – like, seriously, WHAT?

"Don't pretend you do not know!" – Eli took over – "I'm sure your dear grandmother" – he spat – "has been quick to teach you all about your family's–!" – he made a vague motion – "Wiles!"

Ooh, okay now. Emily Gilmore and WILES?

Emily Gilmore's WILES? Had they ever met Emily Gilmore?

"Look, I don't know exactly what you guys–"

"You need to end this right now! This joke has gone on for too long!" – Mitchum finally pitched in on the conversation, his face cold as he looked straight ahead at his wife – "Logan" – he barked and the young man jumped.

"Dad"

"You cannot think that this can possibly work out! Even if she's not– If she doesn't know, it can't go on" – Shira urged him – "Son, please, for the family"

"I really don't know what's going on here" – Rory said after a beat – "But I'm pretty sure this is the time to walk away" – she turned to Logan, who turned his head slightly away from her – "But. Just to clarify, in case I have another case of insanity and decide to date another guy from society with an equally–" – messed up? Insane? Bizarre? – "challenging family. What ARE you guys even talking about?"

And seriously. Her grandmother's WILES.

"... Maybe this is a conversation for you to have with your grandmother" – Mitchum said, suddenly a little subdued.

"You're kicking me out of your house, you're making my boyfriend of all of one day dump me. I'm pretty sure I deserve at least an explanation as to why" – Rory said, standing her ground.

"Such a waste" – Honor bemoaned, shaking her head and reaching for her water.

"I agree with my husband, you should speak to your grandmother about your, hum, how shall I put it?"

"Emily Gilmore's family proclivities for cold blooded little demons" – Eli said dryly.

"... Cold blooded what?"

"You are either the best actress in the world, or your grandmother has been very negligent" – Shira tsked.

"I– Okay, I think I'm just going to–" – Rory stood up and surveyed the family and sighed – "And could you guys seriously take off those glasses? It's pretty ridiculous"

She thought they all traded looks, though it was incredibly difficult to tell.

"Perhaps... That would not be the wisest thing, miss Gilmore" – Mitchum said slowly – "I'm sure your grandmother will be able to explain why"

"Why you're all weirdoes who insist on wearing sunglasses indoors?" – Rory blurted out. Honor stifled a giggle and Logan sighed deeply.

"We are not 'weirdoes', thank you" – Shira sniffed – "We are merely careful"

"About what!"

"About you, miss Gilmore" – Mitchum said smoothly – "Believe me, our ancestors have fallen for pretty faces such as yours, such as your grandmother's, and no one on this table and so forth will ever fall into your family's claws ever again"

Well, what can you say about THAT? Not much, Rory imagined.

"Okay, so, hum, I'm gonna go now" – she said – "Logan, it's been fun, but maybe we shouldn't... Hang out anymore"

"Sorry, Ace"

"Yeah, me too" – not really, but, anyway – "Is there anyway anyone call a cab for me?"

"Oh no, one of our drivers can take you" – Mitchum replied – "But I'm sure everyone would feel better if you waited for it outside. He'll be right out"

"Okay then, it was, hum, nice to meet you all"

"Likewise, miss Gilmore" – Shira said, mouth twitching – "I apologize if we were a little harsh, but we deeply appreciate your understanding of our situation"

"I really don't understand any of it, but I'm pretty sure it is for the best after all. I'll see myself out. Thank you for– A memorable night, if nothing else"

"Goodbye, miss Gilmore" – Eli said solemnly, holding his glass up – "Do be careful in the future, please"

"Careful?" – the old man grinned slowly.

"There are many who would not be as kind and forgiving as we were tonight. You be sure to tell your grandmother as much. She'll know what I mean"

"I, hum. Yes, sure, I'll tell her. So... Bye" – she turned and only didn't run because of her heels, and because she wasn't too sure the Huntzbergers would call an ambulance or something, were she to get hurt under their roof.

As she waited outside for the supposed driver, she thought long and hard about what could possibly have triggered Logan's family's reaction to her, and what they meant by Emily's wiles. Seriously. What wiles?

"Cold blooded demons" – she mumbled under her breath.

"Miss Gilmore?" – a man in a dark uniform said politely, motioning for her to enter a black car. She smiled briefly at him, noticing his sunglasses, and kept back a sigh as she went in.

She thought about calling her mother, maybe she would know what the whole thing was all about. Or maybe she should even head straight to Hartford to ask her grandmother about her (she snorted at the thought) wiles, but in the end, she just asked the driver to go to Yale. She'd wallow for a bit at the loss of Logan's pretty face and hot presence in her life and then she'd move on with her life and use this night as an anecdote. Yeah, that was a plan.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name" – she said, looking to the front. The driver had removed his sunglasses (mercifully), and he looked at her reflection in his mirror.

"Marcel, miss"

"Nice to meet you, Marcel" – the girl said gently and with a smile, and their eyes crossed in the mirror.

Much later, Rory would lay on a hospital bed and whisper to herself about old myths, and when her grandmother came to visit her, she would keep her eyes glued to her shadow on the walls.

How had she ever missed the little cold blooded demons on her grandmother's head? And on the subject, how difficult were they to manage? Because, she very much liked having no fuss, no muss hair. And snakes didn't look like they were that low maintenance.

What else now? First Logan, then his family, then the snakes.

God.

* * *

I actually wrote this a fuck of a long time ago, I just never posted because. I can't recall. Anyway. Here it is (this doesn't mean I'm posting more any time soon, I don't think, just. Posting backlog stuff).


End file.
